Ok, so I'm still on the "I'm becoming asexual" bandwagon -- but damn, it kills me that some men actually want to have sex with their wives.

I've been working hard to remove reasons he would not be interested in me. I cleaned my major mess areas in the house. It's not 100% yet but it's all MUCH better. Over the weekend I wore a cute short lacy pajama set to bed. Nothing.

Tonight we had a nice night out at a school event. He even laughed at a few of my jokes. Which reminded me of the old times. I thought maybe it would remind him. But he has too much work to do tonight. Mind you, he works like 10 hours a week and his parents watch the kids during the day outside of school pickup.

I just don't get it... what it's like to be married to a man who actually wants sex. I am really focused on turning off my sex drive and giving this 2 years give or take. In those 2 years (after I give birth) I'm going to focus on getting in the best shape in my life and improving myself across the board...

If he's still like this I think I have to leave. I don't have an exact number but it we have sex less than 20x in the next 2 years or something... maybe a little less since I'm giving birth this summer and I will be broken for a while... I just am going to tell him open marriage or divorce. I can't live like this. I can't imagine as he ages if will naturally get better... he's 42... so yea.

I don't want to masturbate anymore. I am really done with it. I've watched all the porn that exists in the world 1000 times over. I feel disgusted in myself. But I'm just pissed also. That I'm in a sexless marriage. Who signs up for that?