I'm a HLF married to a LLM. Together for 5 years and parts of sex I really enjoy (he's good at going down on me) I just really don't like the fact that I have to initiate mostly and his demeanor is more timid in bed/ following my lead. I want him to be more dominant and I've expressed that multiple times 1:1 and in couples therapy. Also penetrative sex is usually just okay but I think the emotional bond allows me to enjoy it more.

I'm rambling but I guess I'm wondering if there is a term for being able to enjoy sex when it happens, but just not being excited about it or feeling anticipation about it ... due to many reasons but not feeling seduced, pursued etc.

I have a high sex drive that I've mostly suppressed and would be more open to initiating if I felt I would get the rough, dominating, aggressive sex I really want more often.

On the flip side when I do have sex I feel more connection to my husband, I'm also more cheerful and happy and it usually lasts a few weeks until I realize I have to initiate again ... when I don't have sex I feel like he is just a friend I'm married to. I love him regardless and he has many amazing qualities, I just feel less romantic love without sex.

Anyone going through this and have tips??