I’m one of the fortunate ones. I got out of my DB, but not in an easy way. Buckle up, this is long, longer than I thought it would be.

I met my first wife when we were in high school, I was a junior and she was a sophomore. We dated for 2 years and after I graduated she then wanted to “take a break” for her senior year. I was initially hurt, but I figured, “why not?” It was around this time I realized I was bi, something I hadn’t shared with her. So that during break I had a lot of fun. A few months into it, she realized she didn’t want to stay apart. And like the dummy I was at the time, I agreed and we got back together.

So for the next few years we dated exclusively, though with one major break because we had a huge fight. Regardless, we got back together again. We ended up getting married a year after I graduated college. I lied to myself and said I could ignore my bi side, besides the sex with her was awesome and frequent.

For the next 4 years out sex life decreased slowly, something I realized only after I thought back on it, but it firmly dropped off the cliff when she had her miscarriage. I was completely understanding of having no sex. Hell it also affected me. But she battled deep depression for a few months, packed on some weight, and essentially was a shell of herself. We went from having sex 4 times a week to 0. I was frustrated beyond belief, but I knew that I couldn’t and wouldn’t force anything. She needed to heal and I was doing all I could do to help.

Slowly but surely, things were getting better and 8 months after the miscarriage I was awakened one morning with her asking me to make love to her. Something I did gladly! Unfortunately, I didn’t realize it at the time that this was going to a very rare occurrence.

Now, as I said, she put on some weight. She’s 5’5” and when we got married she was about 130 lbs. (She was very busty.) When we divorced she was closer to 180. However, she wore the weight extremely well! She was always shapely, but even more so then. I was probably even more attracted to her at that point than I was when we got married.

Anyway, despite my saying that I thought she looked great, she said she didn’t feel it. So now she wants me to help her lose weight. And, to be honest, this is when things really took a turn for the worse. Every time I tried to help her, like cooking a more balanced dinner, or trying to help her exercise, or whatever else she said she wanted, we inevitably fought. She was then turning it on me by saying that she knew I hated how she looked, that she was fat, that I was belittling her, etc. I never did any of that, I actually did my best to let her know otherwise, but in her mind she was unattractive and it was all my fault.

So for the next year or so, that was my life. Arguments, followed by “oh please help me,” followed by more arguments, and sex maybe once every 4 or 5 weeks.

Then we had “THE” argument. At that point I had enough when she was yelling at me and I completely let her have it. If I was using a gun, it would have been a Gatling gun because I shredded her. 2 years of getting less and less sex, the lack of pure intimacy, never getting an “I love you” from her, you name it. Once I was done, her reaction was not what I expected. She stood up, walked out, went into the bedroom, packed a bag, and left. Not one word was spoken, even though I was trying to get her to talk.

Now mind you, this was 1993. We had no cellphones, so once she left I didn’t know where she went. For 4 fucking days. I called everyone I knew, including her family. No one knew anything. Of course her older brother blamed me for everything because his sister wasn’t like that. How little he knew.

When she eventually came back, she only said we’ll talk later, even though I was a mess and wanted answers. She slept in the guest room that night and the next day she said she asked me what I wanted. I told her. I wanted my wife, I wanted a healthy relationship, I wanted to know she still loved me. This time I wasn’t yelling, I almost begging. After a couple hours of discussion, we both agreed to counseling. Well, I gave into it, because I was desperate to save the marriage.

For the most part I felt the counseling actually kind of helped. Unfortunately, it was during the counseling that I found out she cheated on me in those 4 days. She said she was so pissed at me that she’d prove to me that she really did love sex by screwing every guy she could. However, the only reason she came back to me is because she ran out of money and had no choice. And I should point out that it was 3 weeks into the counseling before she said any of this. In that time we had sex, including me going down on her, a few times.

Now I can handle anything you throw at me in a relationship. Anything, but lying and cheating. I walked out of that session just by saying, “You’re fucking kidding me.” I didn’t yell, I didn’t scream, I just headed home without her. Once there, I packed all her shit up and put it in the guest room and it wasn’t neat and tidy when I did it. I have no idea how she got home, but it was an hour later. I ignored her while staying in the bedroom behind a locked door. The next day I was in contact with an attorney and I started the task of separating our funds. For the rest of the time that we shared the same space, I said nothing to her. Not one word. Though she tried talking to me.

2 months later I finally moved out of the house and I was out on my own. At that point we were legally separated so I could at least date, though it was tough. Four months later in December of 1993 our divorce was final.

About 18 months later I met my current wife. I was at that point in my life that I had no time for bullshit, so as we dated I laid it all out there for her to see and know. If I was going to have anything with her, she needed to know everything about me, including my bisexuality. The fact that we’ve been married for 28 years should tell you something. We do have a bit of an open marriage (we swung for a few years), but less so ever since Covid hit. She’s fine with me seeing guys on occasion as long as she knows, she’s just not involved, but it’s incredibly rare now. And our sex life is very healthy as well, even though we’re in our 60s.

It took me getting past a horrible first marriage for me to eventually find the woman I consider my soul mate. Now I’ll admit during the first marriage I had numerous opportunities to cheat on her and I turned down every single one of them. Regardless of the kind of marriage I have, I’ll never cheat. Period. I feel that once you get to that point of your relationship where you're willing to cross that line, it’s time to move on. I did and I’m happier for it. Regardless of where you may be at right now, it is possible for you to be happy.