It has been a long day of work. As a mom of two, pregnant with my third, and trying hard to remain gainfully employed as the breadwinner of the family, I'd love so much for my husband to grab me when I come home and whisper in my ear all the things he'd like to do to me later. For him to not be able to wait for the moment the kids are asleep. He would start to caress me, kissing my neck and rubbing my back. Working his way down to between my legs. And so on.

Instead, it's another night of nothing. We've had sex once since I had a positive pregnancy test. Which is more sex than I had the entirety of my first two pregnancies. I don't even want to masturbate anymore. When I was younger and more naive I could pretend someone in the world might want me. Now I know better. I stare at the ceiling and accept at 40 I'm no longer desirable to men. If I have a few years left of being noticed at all they are quickly fading.

I don't know how we ended up like this. I don't know why I am repulsive to men. I wish I didn't care. It would make this all so much easier.