Hi all. Long time lurker, first time poster. I [40F] am so sad my husband [41M] is not interested in having sex with me. He did find out he had low T and got some meds for that so it improved slightly, but I want more intimacy throughout our lives, not just the 1x a month he wants to have sex. I'm pregnant with our third child and my sex drive is through the roof. My last two pregnancies he didn't touch me the entire 9 months and almost a year after.

He won't have sex unless everything is perfect and no stress. I am trying SO HARD to never complain or nag about ANYTHING, but that's hard. I'm the breadwinner and constantly stressed about money and trying to plan the kid's doctor's appointments and sad excuse of a social life. Heck, I'm not allowed to bring up money or planning stuff in Oct because of his annual work event (also no sex allowed during that time) and all of Dec because that would ruin Christmas. I feel like I'm drowning. Yet I still want sex. He can't have sex unless everything is perfect. I've tried to stop craving sex, to handle things myself, even sending pics to strangers on the internet for validation because I just feel invisible. In the end that just made me feel worse. When I see Instagram Reels that are jokes about how husbands are always horny and here I am, wishing I had one of those husbands. He doesn't even want to see me naked. He's def straight, he loves looking at sex workers and porn and I've offered 3some with a guy and that was a very strong no.

What can I do to make him want sex with me more? And not just sex, but for him to actually desire to please me instead of that feeling like a check-the-box so he can cum. He loves to gag me but refuses to let me sit on his face. I don't understand. I don't know what to do. I'm so sad. I'm not a supermodel but I look pretty good for my age I think. Not beautiful or anything. But I have some nice features.