M45, Never felt lonelier

Living in a city like Sydney, I've never felt lonelier than I do right now.

Even though I am married, and have teenage kids, have friends (although I dont see them often) and a good job, I often feel like I'm invisible.

I have been with my wife for over 25yrs, married for 17, but there is no pulse in this marriage anymore. I do love her dearly, yet I feel there is no love there. I hope that it will get better, but I don't know. I feel stuck, I am too involved in life to leave her. I crave companionship, I yearn for longing, for intimacy, a little spark.

My kids are great, I am a present father, involved in their lives, and their schooling and extra-curriculars.

I have a great job in healthcare, where I get to interact with people all day. When I am at work, I switch on a different persona. I call it 'workmode'. And in workmode, I am confident, knowledgeable, chatty, flirty, friendly and have been told time again, a great guy. Frequently, I have fantasised about having a fling with some of the female clients I meet through work. But I never have.

I feel numb and exist in a zombie-like state. I seek a connection, some tactile feeling, I want to touch, to hug, to connect with another woman. Someone who can jumpstart my life again. My hope is to get out of this funk and find something tangible again.

Disillusioned, I've even considering seeing escorts to fulfill a need, but even when it comes to actually meeting them, the one's I've settled for were such a let down and not reliable I have since given up.