My(40m) wife(39f) have been married for 16 years. Two kids. All the typical conversations over the years of me trying to help more around the house, I do. Me wanting to try therapy, her willing to try it then but then quitting it. Nearly identical to many stories on here.

I've gotten the typical complaints in the past that when I try to initiate it's a turn off for her, but when I don't initiate for months nothing happens. She got pissed once when I asked for sex, left the house for a few hours and turned off location sharing. I never got an explanation why she got really pissed that one particular time. I then turned location sharing off too.

Shortly after I had the talk with her in May or June that I was concerned with our sex life. For the last 10 years we would do it for a week or so, then nothing for months or years. She didn't have a suggestion, but I suggested scheduling it. She agreed. It went ok for about a month.

I then wanted to discuss it with her a few weeks later and she said we could talk for 5 minutes the next day. This was at like 9pm at night and she was busy working.(she's likely a workaholic)

The next day when I asked for my 5 minutes. I told her that I don't know what kind of relationship where the wife allocates 5 minutes for her husband to talk to her the next day, on a topic that is really important to him. This wasn't me contacting her in the middle of her work day. This isn't any kind of relationship I wanted. I said I was thinking of divorce. She asked for one more chance, and said I could initiate whenever and that she would initiate once a week.

A bit later I mentioned that it was a weird way to try to punish me by turning off location sharing in the middle of the fight(which was a few weeks before). You think I'm going to follow you to try and continue the conversation out side of the house? No I'm staying home with the kids, and you said you wanted to be left alone, which is fine at long as we finish the conversation at some point later.

It's fine if you don't want to share your location with me, I never asked you to. But it's just weird after 16 years of marriage. It makes me think you didn't want me to know what you're doing or who you're seeing. So she quickly turned it back on, as if to show how serious she was about fixing things. I didn't ask her to turn it back on. ( I've not turned sharing my location back on, and she hasn't asked. I'm not playing this weird game of turning it on and off depending on how you feel)

Things went well for a surprisingly long amount of time, about 6 months. She got stressed from work, and stopped initiating and it dropped to once a month.

I brought this up, and she didn't disagree with my concerns. I said, look I'm just looking for you to initiate once a week for like 30 minutes, and to tell me if you can't or aren't up for it. In person or text or whatever(yes we live in the same house.) She can't even let me know when she's not up for it or changes her mind. She just ghosts the whole topic.

She says it's more about the emotional energy.

I ask her "So you don't have the emotional energy to initiate once a week for 30 minutes of sex? And when you say you're interested in sex the next day, but later change your mind, you don't have the emotional energy to let me know?"

"Yea, I guess that's it." - her

"Is there anything I can change or do differently that would help? Something I can do during the day to relax you or get into the mood? Focus on you receiving first?" - me

"No. I don't know. " - her

"Do you find me sexually attractive? Do you like me?" - me

"I still like you and want to do stuff with you." - her, in the most unexcited tone possible

A few hours after that, she says she will find a therapist for herself, which she's always refused for many years. This was last week.

I'm out of town for a week and come back tomorrow night.

What are the odds that she even tried to find a therapist for herself? Do I bring it up? Or see if she just ghosts the whole topic?

I feel I've done my part by sticking it out for ten years, and told her I'm thinking of divorce six months ago. She's at least attempting to give the illusion of trying, which is new.

Things are going well otherwise, just like many of the other posts on here.