Prologue

Married for 5yrs going on 6, we have no kids but it is something I would love to have one day sooner than later. My wife has diabetes and I'm not sure if the meds are affecting her drive. As a kid I have a friend who would sexualy abuse me, other friends in our troop and his younger sister. Sleep overs and camping trips someone was being assaulted one way or another.

Issues

Lately my wife and I just can't be on the same page when it comes to sex. A few days ago she and were in the middle of doing it, then she said to hurry up because we had to attend an event. Well I went and gave her a little oral to help things along and when I got on top I finished too early and of course she got very upset and ended it there. This is something that has been going on for a few years now, or it would be that he doesn't stay hard for long even with out Cumming.

 Now in the beginning we rarely had issues,  if anything she complained that there were times where I would take to long and she'll already be done.  Then no more birth control, but some of her medications did change, and a few got increased dosage. That's when I noticed she wasn't getting wet and her drive went way down, could it be the medications idk.  Then there was the one year or so where we were trying to have a baby but that brought on new stress.  If I took too long she felt bad, that maybe I wasn't finding her attractive is what she would say.  Then the problem of me finishing too soon started popping up or I wasn't able to be fully erect.  I'm bout an inch when soft an 5 inches on a good day.  She would also often get the urge to have sex at the most random times, she would try to simmer me but if I wasn't ready to go with in "her" time frame she'll get pissed, she wouldn't want to try again later that night or the whole month she would just be mad that I didn't get hard right then and there.  Now it's a constant mind game I get into and it messes me up even more, if I force him to get hard he won't respond, or I'll be so in the zone and take to long that it hurts her or ever present I came too fast and she didn't finish and is pissed off for the rest of the week.

New problem

Since trying to have a kid was putting on so much more stress I told her that I would back off and only do it when we want to, to have fun with it instead of treating it like a chore. We even bought a few toys, a vibrating cock ring thing for me to wear, massage oil and a dildo for her. In the 3 or so years I've worn the ring less than 5 times, the oil bottle is still more than half way full(she has yet used it on me but I have used it on her), and she hasn't tried the dildo. At this point we've had sex 3 or 5 times in a year. Something is always in the way, oh my tummy isn't feeling good, I'm too tired, I just showered, we just ate, I'm on my period( I don't mind period blood, had few ex who would have sex on their period I enjoyed it). If we were on vacation and we had a room all by ourselves, she still wouldn't cus she wouldn't want her friends to know, THERE WAS TWO LIVING ROOM OF SPACE BETWEEN US!! Side note, she is not a fan of bjs, nor has she ever given or try to give me one. Now I would every now and then surprise her with a little treat or gift to show affection, I would give her foot rubs, play with her butt, kiss her all over her body, even walk around naked and erected. Only to be meet with, what are you doing, why are you doing that, shove me off or put him away.

What I've tried

She can get more sexual after a few drinks but there is a very fine line of her feeling sexy to hold my hair while I barf and pass out. Now I love to get high and have sex, I believe it helps me out when I'm stuck in my head and can't preform properly but to her it feels like she isn't enough and that me smoking weed ruins her mood. The times I used the body oil I really enjoyed it because it allowed me to give her more foreplay and he got excited that she was feeling good too. I don't mind eating her out, I enjoy it. But if she's not feeling it she'll just stop it.

I have tried to get her to use her toy, to let me see her masterbate, to do more foreplay. Often just hearing her laugh or letting me hold her is enough to get me hard, we don't need the dirty talk or her giving me a lap dance, just her being happy is more than enough. I've also been trying to be more active in working out. I would ask her to join me on a walk or to go to the gym or zumba class with me, but with very very little luck. I want her to be comfortable with her body with me. She'll get put off if during the act our body start making that all too familiar sound of wetness and skin slapping lol sorry can't seem to find the right words for it.

This weekend I want us to foreplay more and I told her I want this to be about her, I want her to finish in any way she can. Hope this helps us. I would love to go on a nude cruise (not the swinging life style one) just to be more open.