So, like most of us here, it all started out as a high sex high intimacy relationship between me HL26M and my wife. When we first started dating and eventually becoming exclusive (age 20), we would have sex all the time, surprise bjs, road head, car hookups, sleeping bjs all the works. I had been with other women before, but she was somewhat wild while being pretty mature at a young age. She had a lot of sexual experience as she started out young and indulged in party drugs early, we also met when she was a junior in college. She was also a self-proclaimed "sex addict."

Around a year in (early 2019) she started withdrawing sexually. I noticed it when she stopped initiating, like at all. She also ramped down on the bjs and stopped the wake up bjs completely. I brought up the sleeping bjs, she said that they make her uncomfortable now, and it feels like she is not getting my consent. I assured her that I love being woken up by head and that she was over thinking, I never got wake up head again. I ignored the other sexual issues and suffered in silence as I do not like to pressure her, I am very careful with sex with her because she is a SA victim and was hypersexual at the start because of it, and at the time I was not mature enough to bring up those topics. The intamacy was still there though, but waning.

Fast forward to the end of 2019 and I get word that I will be deploying the following January. Leading up to my ship out date there was no sex, in any way form or fashion until the literal night before me leaving, I was disappointed, but something is something right? At this point I did not know what was going on, and it did not help that I was leaving for 6 months, and she would be without me but spending all her time around our 2 male roommates.

2020 was a hard year for us, during the pandemic I was in a whole different country, in an opposite time zone, the only time we could really talk was my full day off, and half day off that i get once a week. My then gf was struggling through the pandemic and was having panic/ anxiety attacks, by this time she'd already graduated and had a job as a teacher, so she was able to go home with family for most of my time away. During this time, tragedy struck, and my estranged father was hit by a car, this resulted in me having to take 2 weeks of emergency leave during my deployment so I could go home and bury him. The silver lining with this is that I got to see my then gf 3 months early, only that when I picked her up from the airport, she barely showed much affection. Yea we kissed and hugged but it just was not what you expect after not seeing each other for 3 months already. Now, my wife had to fly into my home state, and before she arrived, I rented a nice hotel room, rose pedals everywhere, candles the whole 9. You all already know what was on my mind, we did the deed, but it did not have the sparks on her end that you would hope to have after 3 months apart. Eventually I go back to my location, serve out the rest of my time there and head back home. (End of 2020)

At home it was much of the same, barely any sex. It got to the point where I finally asked her what's up. Why does she not want to have sex with me anymore or at least give me head? At this point we were having sex once to two times a month. Her reply was that her anxiety meds (which were prescribed during her troubles during the pandemic) and ofcourse I sympathize with that, but when I brought up that we were having sex problems before the pandemic, she said I was putting too much pressure on her, and she started crying, we somewhat worked it out and she said she would do better. It was better for maybe a week or two, until the status quo showed up again.

Over the next two years I've pretty much just dealt with it. We'd have sex once to twice a month, head about twice a year. I was suffering in silence, every night she laid beside me I would think about all the times we used to have sex, how spontaneous we used to be. In my darkest hours I would think about all the guys she used to sleep with, how little they would have to do to sleep with her, but I cook, clean, bring laughs, listen, give gifts etc, and I get nothing. But lord I love this woman, we've been through some rough times and come out on the other side. I would die for this woman no matter what, and eventually I proposed to her. We married, and the sex life stayed the same. Side note, we are somewhat intimate, we kiss don't make out, sleep in the same bed cuddle a few times out the week.

Fast forward to a few months ago, and I'm fed up. Mopey all day just thinking about all the sex we've missed out on over the years, all the bjs and the fun. This turns into me thinking how young I am, and I havent had consistent sex in years. She confronts my bad mood and I finally tell her my feelings. This time I bring up the fact that I have come to resent her for how little sex we've had. She brings up her anxiety meds again and starts crying, I hate to see her upset so I usually just say whatever I can to make her happy, I make her feel better and nothing changes. Tell me, am I an asshole for wanting more sex? At least once a week, some head at least twice a month? I need something, I love her so much and would never leave her but something has to give.