It's been 7 years that me (38m, HL) and her (30f, LL) have been together. we started out having sex all the time. Then five years ago we moved to a new state and moved in together. Things were going okish. I would try to initiate sex, but she was always tired from work (SO used to be a teacher). I would try, get shot down, and let it go. We never really talked much about it. After two years of this it would turn into a fight anytime I tried to talk about sex. We had a toy chest of things to use as a couple. She has a huge erotica library. When she reads she would get horny, but I was at work. (I worked nights). We started fighting about how I was "forcing her to feel sexy" and that it was too much pressure. She never felt the "need" for sex, and told me there were other ways we could be intimate beyond physically. I gave up and only tried to broach the subject once every 4 or so months. (My poor PC took a hit from porn when I forgot to update my AV). Seven years now, we try still. She's become more I to trying to be sexy, but doesn't feel it. Her hormones have been all f-ed up the last eight years over stress and her Chrons Disease being out of remission (but under the numbers to call full blown.) She is still the LL, and I'm in love with her and would give her the world. But I'm HL, and still feel neglected. She told me I could have a partner, but they had to be the same gender because she didn't want me to leave her. Sex is important to me, but its only good when there is an emotional connection, (I had lots of one nighters in college and after to compare, but only good sex when in a deeper emotional relationship). Am I wrong for wanting to take this hallpass at this point? It would mean no more vaginal sex for me most likely. But a DB has also been our burden for the last seven years.

Also, I've tried talking about it with her and we've had some traction, thus her talking to the doc to find out her hormones are wacked. I've also suggested a couples or sex therapist for us to talk to and try to see if a neutral person would be able to meditate this and guide us in better communication. I'm at a loss personally, and just don't know what to do about our DB. Emotionally, I love her. Physically I think she's still the sexist thing in the world and would take her over a younger woman.

Edit for clarification: I was trying to state the fact that I don't want to go younger like lots of guys think I should want. I love her just the way she is and think she's the sexiest thing in the world.