I had a conversation with you about the general lack of emotion in our relationship and how it has been affecting me. Per usual, you immediately acknowledge this and promises to change. I've been here before, far too many times.

In the following 24 hours I was shown the affection I've always wanted. We even had sex, *twice*. I hate that I know I am being brought up only to be let down a couple of days from now when it goes back to how it was. How can I accept your promise to change when it has been broken so many times. You told me how much I mean to you. That I am perfect and amazing for you. Well I wish I could say the same. I appreciate everything else you do and most of all the great friendship you provide but you see, that's the problem, I had to call it a friendship.

I love being given compliments, even though I know I am far from perfect. This just makes it hard for me to do anything about this situation. You say you can't live without me, so am I supposed to feel guilty for even bringing it up? I just don't know what to do anymore. It's been years like this now and I almost feel like I just want to go. I know there is someone out there that will give to me what I give to them or even more. I just wish it wasn't so hard to do.

This was actually a bit difficult to write. I am in a great mood from the last couple of days. I just know now that it's about to end and it really brings me down.