I've been reading this sub for a few weeks and decided to share my story. In no way I'm presenting it as an instruction to overcome DB issue. I wish we came where we are differently, I don't wish that way for anyone. But I think it may shed some light on how the relationships in the couple may evolve from a DB to a very sexy place. Maybe you'll get something out of it for yourself.

So our story is classical. We are F35 and M38. We've been married for 13 years, together 15. After our kid was born I've lost my sex drive completely. We've had sex maybe 10 times over the 2 years period. At the end of this second year, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression which partially explained what happened to my libido. By that time my husband felt very hurt already. He took my rejections very personally, he felt unloved and unwanted (which I can totally understand). I also was unhappy with him. If I oversimplify it, he was a high achiever focused on his work and I lacked his love and attention. We were fighting all the time because of many different reasons and sex was one of them but not the only problem. The word "divorce" was used often.

I started therapy and regular physical exercise. That helped a lot with fighting depression and anxiety. I was considering antidepressants but realized that my mental health is getting better already and it's not needed.

Depression treatment started working and I personally felt much better. But our relationships were very damaged because of all the pain we caused each other. We reached a boiling point when he said something like "If you are so unhappy with me, download Tinder and go date someone else". When we cooled down we actually started discussing the possibility of having open relationships (ENM) and after some hesitations decided to try. I downloaded Tinder and went on a date with some random guy. I was 100% transparent with my husband every step of the way - starting with what I wrote on my Tinder profile and ending with what I'm planning to do on a date. We took it slow and I was asking about his feelings all the time. For example, when one guy invited me to his place after a couple of dates we discussed with my husband what he will be comfortable with me doing there and what not. I followed all the agreed limitations and told him about everything that happened between me and that guy as soon as I got home.

Important to mention, before our kid was born, we were quite a "liberal" couple. We went to kinky parties a few times and had a threesome (FMF). From past experience, we knew that my husband enjoys imagining me with other men (it was one of his biggest fantasies). So me going on a date with someone else wasn't torture to him. If it was I would never do that. And as said, I was 100% transparent about everything and he had absolute veto power over all my interactions with other men. For example, when I said I wanted to give my date a BJ he said he wouldn't be comfortable with that and I followed through without any hesitation.

As for him, of course, he also had a right to go dating while being fully transparent with me. But he said he didn't want to go on any dates because it takes a lot of energy as casual dating is very easy for girls but guys are getting rejected all the time. So he wouldn't even bother. I believed him. Don't laugh at me. At least not yet.

Long story short, my dating experience evolved into 2 sexual encounters with 2 different guys (again with full disclosure for my husband). And I also went on "regular dates" with 5 or 6 guys (not being sexual, just having dinner in a restaurant). It was enough for my sexuality to blossom. I started feeling like a WOMAN again. I've become very affectionate with my husband. I started initiating sex with him regularly. I started reading books and studying various sexual techniques to be a better lover.

In no way I'm promoting ENM but for my sexuality at that point, it was very helpful. And he was the main beneficiary of that. It's like I was seeing my reflection in the eyes of other men. That made me feel extremely sexy and aroused and I brought that sexual tension back to him. Our bedroom was alive again. We went to kinky parties, we tried new stuff, I spent lots of money on lingerie and sex toys. Our relationship overall become better, we almost stopped bickering and fighting. Instead we were talking about sex most of the time. I was constantly checking in with him to make sure my dating doesn't hurt him in any way. He always said that he felt sort of "sweet arousing jealousy" when I was on a date and he's "excited to see how dating unleashed my sexuality". When I was telling him how my date went with another guy or what someone wrote me on Tinder, that would typically make him horny and worked as a kinky foreplay. He enjoyed seeing that other men found me attractive. It lasted for a year or so.

One day he invited me over to a restaurant and admitted that he has been cheating on me all this time. He told me that a few months before we agreed to open up our marriage he started sleeping with another woman. Back then he didn't believe our sex life will ever recover and he decided he should take care of himself that way. Now when he could really see that my newly discovered sexuality is not an "accident" but rather a "trend", a new reality, he started feeling very guilty and decided he had to tell me everything. I was extremely hurt. I would be fine with him going on dates as I did but with full transparency, giving me a chance to say "no" to things I was uncomfortable with. His lying destroyed my trust. I felt deeply humiliated.

We decided to stay together and reconcile. It's very hard and painful for both of us, but our relationship has never been as honest and mature as now. We put the ENM on hold for now, though we are experimenting a lot with all other aspects of our sexuality. I don't know if we will ever open our marriage again, it's impossible without the full trust, so now it seems unlikely.

Despite all the pain, sex is amazing, even better than during our first year of relationship when we were madly in love. At this point it's beyond the "hysterical bonding", it's more like we have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of anymore, even our deepest kinkiest desires can be expressed. I think that if we will survive that crisis our marriage will be very close to what we both always wanted. Wish us luck.

p.s. if you are against ENM/open marriage - please keep it to yourself. And in general, please, be civil, it took a lot of courage to share my story. Thank you