I (37M) have been married to my wife (37F) for 7 years going on 8 now and in a relationship with each other for 11 years. Things were now always like this, they were great for a long time; but, they have now also been bad for a long time. There have been talks about the problems, we communicate, but nothing seems to change. I would consider myself higher on the chart in terms of desire and physical affection. 2 to 3 times per week would be ideal for sex and other than that physical touch (hugging and kissing) daily would be wonderful. I would consider her low to no libido.

It has only been a few days sine we've had sex and mere hours since we last kissed, but that's not the problem. The problem is I have been the initiator now for *years*. We have talked about and she said she would work on it. It always changes for a month, maybe two, then back to old habits. If I didn't initiate sex, we would have it maybe 1 time per month but I bet she could go months without thinking about it. I no longer enjoy it very much because I know she is just doing it because she thinks it makes me happy. I appreciate that, but that is not what the action is about. Kissing is no longer passionate, short pecks on the lips. I feel like I need to straight forward ask for attention, I don't think I would get it if I didn't try and it's wearing me down.

Last fall I almost left her. We had a discussion and I told her how unhappy I was. That's when she seriously wanted to work on it. She changed birth control medications and antidepressants because she thought that may have been it, it was not. I love her very much. She does make me happy, just...not like that. I feel like I've been living with a best friend and not a lover. I go out of my way to provide romantic gestures and to provide and make her happy, it's wearing down on me. I sometimes fluctuate into a deep depression blaming myself even though that isn't the case. I think I have fallen out of love with a person I still love very much. It's just hard when it only feels half there.

I know I ranted on for a bit, I find it hard to put into words. I'm glad I found this sub but also saddened because of how much I find myself relating to everything. Yes, I think some have it much worse than I do but I also only have one life to live and I'm not sure if this is what I want to do with it. I also greatly worry I'd regret leaving so I am at a point in limbo where I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so very tired...