Hello stranger,

Picture this: a small-town guy (me), tired of the modern dating scene (also me), sees all these cute Christmas couples and families simultaneously warming and breaking his heart, realises what he needs in his life —a quirky yet lovable girlfriend to make his life feel like a cheesy movie. That’s where you come in.

The Plot: I’m the slightly disheveled, unexpectedly charming protagonist.

You’re the kind-hearted, quick-witted woman who helps me rediscover the magic of love (and maybe how to properly fold fitted sheets).

Together, we’ll overcome minor misunderstandings, laugh over spilled coffee, and realise we were meant to be together all along.

Cue the snow falling gently in the background. Hopefully this becomes a blockbuster hit cos I would quite like at least a sequel and 15 different spin offs.

About Me:

I’m your classic loveable underdog: warm, a little awkward, sometimes mischievous, but always ready with a heartfelt compliment and remembering the little things.

I am 30 years old, chubby/cuddley, dark eyes and hair. Photos on profile. I am no Tom Hardy or Chris Hemsworth but I will keep you smiling and laughing. I am based in Essex, often in London.

I enjoy all the cliches like travel, food and drink and have a whole host of other interests and hobbies which I would love to share with you. Always interested in learning about you and your interests, happy to dance in the kitchen, and of course all the seasonal activities like trawling garden centres for the best Christmas ornaments for our grotto.

What I’m Looking For:

Someone with a sparkling personality and a good sense of humor who won’t mind if I occasionally narrate our lives like we’re in a rom-com.

I don’t tend to have a type, open minded as long you’re kind and interesting. The rest of the Christmas magic we can make together.

Oh and can either appreciate or grin and bear cheesy one-liners like, “You light up my life more than these Christmas lights.”

Bonus Points If You Can decorate a gingerbread house better than I can (not hard, honestly). I want to do all the sickly cute festivities with you.

Enjoy playful banter and don’t mind when I lose our arguments on purpose 👀

Are open to fabricating some crazy weird story about how we really met. We can brainstorm this over lunch?

If this sounds like your kind of plotline, let’s make it happen. Slide into my DM’s and let’s start writing the script to our own happily-ever-after. (Snow machine and dramatic music NOT optional.)

I am located in Essex, regularly in London. Ideally you’d be near but I am open to something a bit further away if we get along and you’d be happy to close the distance in future. Realistically probably someone 5/-5 years in either direction of my age (I am 30) but I am open if the connection is there.

Ps scroll far down on my profile for some pics of me (eye bleach not included) and some more info about the guy writing this and some of my date ideas.

I shouldn’t have to write this but under 18s please do not contact me.