I'm such a collosal fuck up. I'm exactly what I didn't want to be. I grew up terrified of my dad and then as my teen years came I grew so jealous of those who had a good relationship with theirs. When he came back to my life I did everything I could not to turn my back on him like he did to me. The emotional trauma, financial strain and just general aggravation has been more than I can take. I've done therapy five times. I've been on and off antidepressants since I was 18. I'm now 27. All I want is a family of my own. I met a man, dad. Someone who loved me unconditionally. Maybe this was my chance to overturn all of the trauma. But I fucked up so bad. He hates me. And I blame you. All of the issues you have caused. The lack of confidence, the fear, the knot in my stomach I get everytime I get a call from an unknown number thinking it'll be a hospital telling me you're ill or dead. My life feels ruined. I lost the only person who has ever truly loved me, because I didn't love myself. And I blame you.