The only times in my life I have seen this state of mind are from your gliobastoma and from my partner's stroke. I am scared and I am his primary advocate, in an official healthcare capacity. I don't know many things. I am inexperienced in my field, and our empty bed is one of the worst things I can remember feeling. I'm terrified. Please un-die. Please love me like you did -- the only source for many decades, even after your death, that I had as a point of reference for unconditional love. I'm only 33. I was only 9. He is only 39. You were only 44. I miss you so, so much, you brilliant scientist, you goofy mf, you delightful weirdo. Please guide me. Help me help him.