I'm going through some interpersonal issues ATM and I feel like a total fuckup. I keep thinking of something I might've done wrong or something I could've done differently, and it feels like everything would've been ok if I just weren't me.

I dealt with a whole lot of neglect/abuse from my parents growing up. Every time I do something wrong (or feel like I did, or remember what I did), it's like I'm back there again. I feel like I'm a little kid and I'm going to be yelled at and hit and nobody will take care of me and I will be blamed for it. I just shut down and do whatever I can to make them happy so they won't hurt me.

I keep having panic attacks, over and over. I try to sit with them, or distract myself, but they just seem to keep going. I just feel terrified.

I'm currently in the process of getting a new psychologist, as my previous one felt I was responsible for everything that was going wrong for me.

I just want to feel ok again. I would appreciate any kind of support or advice.