Ughhh. This is hard, and I hate it.

Hi, I'm me. A deeply flawed pervert whose obsessed with the color green. Capable of being very polite and decent, deeply troubled by the nature of the universe, and eternally horny. I'm looking for someone to write to about my most private and despicable thoughts, and who can respond in kind.

I've made one of those nifty kink charts, so you can get a quick overview and not waste time, but it's way more complicated than cafeteria-style bubble charts can encapsulate, and I'm into a lot of bizarrely specific things so bear with me while I unpack a few for you:

I was raised in an isolated rural household, in an isolated rural community with strong religious presence in everyday life. A peculiar kind of religion that taught the body was a temple, and sex defiled it. This was repeated endlessly, to drive home the notion that sex was forbidden, up to the point I was taught that sex before marriage was the worst sin I could commit short of murder. But my adolescent brain just heard, "Sex, sex, sex." It seemed like the most important thing for me to learn about, and so I did. I read Leviticus, and my mother's books about the Satanic cults coming for our children, and the actual Malleus Maleficarum where they insist witches rim goats for Satan.

And when the internet came to my sleepy backwater, I discovered porn. With only one computer placed squarely in the center of the house, I had to wait for images to load while the modem screeched like a data--corrupted banshee, all amidst the fear of someone coming home and catching me. My mother did, on a couple occasions, not red-handed but through the browser history. I was lectured and screamed at for hours at a time whenever this happened. "You're sinful, filthy, despicable, never going to find real love, no one will want you, yadda, yadda, ya." Excellent parenting, top quality.

She was so ashamed of me, she broke the religious rules and didn't tell the church leaders I'd been fondling myself, so every Sunday I went to church and pretended I wasn't feeling guilty when they preached about the homosexuals, and the porn addicts, and the drug-using criminal hippies. They gave me a leadership position. I regurgitated talking points about the church founder to my peers while fantasizing about building a harem from their mothers and sisters.

Naturally this had no adverse affect on my sexuality and I get off near exclusively on breaking taboos, forbidden sex, and pseudo-religious imagery being subverted. Degradation and shame figure heavily into my preferences, and I like playing with words and ideas that make others uncomfortable. But not so uncomfortable that they think I'm a genuinely bad person. I'm a contradiction, I know.

I live far away from anti-sex cult I grew up in, but the wicked feelings remain. I've gone into the "real world", discovered it is an absurdist nightmare more horrifying and real than Revelations could ever imagine, and really just want to distract myself with dirty fantasies until my body gives way to age and I crumble into the grave.

You in?