Hi workshoppers! Bort here, long time advice-giver, first time advice-seeker. This is the first new prompt I’ve written in a while, and it is a little different in both style and tone to the prompts I was writing before it. So yeah, I figured that made for as good an excuse as any to finally put the workshop to use for the first time since I started writing on DPP. Just looking for general advice/thoughts/constructive criticism. Happy to hear whatever you all think might make this a better prompt.

I’ve had it! Just once I’d love it if I could go a single day that only involved doing regular goblin things. Raiding a caravan with the boys, sneaking into an orc camp and replacing all their axes with tree branches whittled into phallic shapes, counting and then re-counting our gold cause it’s just so dang shiny. Mischief. Mayhem. Y’know, just goblin shit!

But no. Ever since word spread around the surrounding villages that there’s a cave that’s home to a bunch of small, grey-skinned goblins with dicks that practically bruise their kneecaps when they walk, we haven’t had a moment’s peace! We’re afflicted by a sickness. A veritable plague! Of horny, unfulfilled maidens who come wandering in to our home, wanting nothing more than to be the creamy filling to a goblin sandwich. Believe me, we’ve seen every desperate play in the book by this point.

There’s the virginal village maiden who came skipping into the cave, basket slung over one arm, hood and cloak pulled up over shiny raven hair, whistling a piercing tune and speaking out loud to literally no one! “Oh, what a lovely abandoned cave. This will be a great place to pick mushrooms! I’m going to bend over to see if there are any closer to the ground, here. I sure hope no one sneaks up behind me and ravages my unprotected feminine sanctum.”

How obvious can you be, am I right!? Not to mention that she was literally nude and already wet with needy desire under the cloak. It’s all very patronising if you ask me. I mean… we did fuck her, we’re only men after all… er, goblins – you know what I mean. But sometime during the 8th load we’d collectively pumped into her overflowing asshole, I really began to question if this was the life I’d imagined for myself.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the so called ‘female adventurers.’ They’re the worst of them all. They come in making a big show of how they’re going to put an end to our reign of terror. Clanging their shimmering swords against their crested shields, shouting incantations that supposedly ward off evil entities – never mind that their ‘armour’ covers maybe 30% of their body, and that they only ever travel alone or with a party of other women. It’s all tough talk and shouted threats to start with, but inevitably it always ends the same: “Argh, curses! What trickery is this? I’ve found myself stuck in a crevice! This is no ordinary cave, there is evil afoot. Alas, I am completely and utterly incapacitated, any cruel-witted creature could simply have its way with me in such a state!”

See what I mean!? Do you know how hard it is to get stuck in a crevice? I don’t think I could do it if I tried. But I must have fucked about a dozen adventuring maidens in the last month alone who all suspiciously had trouble navigating a simple cavern, and seem less focused on fighting and more interested in goblin’ deez nuts.

I dunno, maybe I should stop complaining. It could always be worse. I know some cave trolls who haven’t been laid in 20 years. Anyway, gotta go, I think I hear another one of those voracious harpies coming right now.

Silly, short-term, fantasy fun.

Limits: Underage characters, Scat, Vomit, Vore, Foot-play, Heavy BDSM, Celebrity Face-Claims, Unappealing Smells/Musk