i started it when i was 17. looking up ways to get high without weed cause covid removed my plug from the equation. my stupid ass friend said benadryl!

i was around 115 pounds then and took like 200mg. perfect dose for me to chill out and play the new animal crossing to, but also i saw shadow people and thought everything that moved (my cats, my sisters, etc) was a giant spider.

don't even get me started on the days following the high. i worked at carl's jr at the time, and one day thought it'd be a good day to take the shortcut that leads straight to my apartment... on my bike. it was mostly downhill, then a steep uphill. totally embarassed myself falling down in front of a hot girl and she laughed at me. damn. stopped after that for a while, only relapsed once less than a year later.

like exactly 4 years later, last month, i got broken up with by my longtime boyfriend right before our first anniversary. i went back to benadryl as a form of self harm. i'm like 200 pounds now, so i took 300-450mg for a good week or two, then spent the past few weeks recovering from it.

today, at almost 22, i'm on vacation in my hometown, and keep going on walks on that shortcut path. i think of how stupid i was at 17, laugh, and feel a sense of pride for getting over my addiction not once but twice! i'm like, extremely physically and mentally unwell and i STILL did it more than once. if my ass could, you definitely can. if you're thinking of quitting, do it. and quit flushing them shits down the toilet! just give them to someone safe to dispose of for you, or throw them away yourself. YOU CAN DO IT. my dms are also a safe space if you need help with your addiction. i have a background in social work, i have resources for you and a motivation to help you personally.

with love, maxine rouge

p.s. op of the itch cream in the dr pepper bottle post get out of my fucking head