Ive done dmt 3 times. This last time was the most stand out because I saw Satan. I was about to freak out but then I just started saying “let it happen” for some reason out loud. When I talked it felt like I was speaking in magnetism or like every word had adhesive needles. The guy I was making out with thought that my piercings were poking him when I kissed him but to me it felt like when you pull a strong magnet off a fridge. Almost like sucking. Each tome I touched him with my lips it’s almost as if we got glued and snapped back when I pulled back. He said he’s never had a trip that weird before and the next day he was a lot less cocky and combative when I voiced a opinion different than his. I feel like maybe something happened, did I deliver him to satan or something? He looked in pain also most when he would come into focus below the faces that appeared. The faces kept goin in and out in a pattern from the Baphomet, to an old man’s face similar to nosforatu, and then this mid 40’s big eye brows pitch black hair in a 1950’s style and him. I just made eye contact the entire time. It’s not that I was in a trance I wanted to keep looking at him. All this time it also sounded like low frequency glitching noises and because porn was playing it sounded like people were getting killed or something.

It’s really weird also that I never lost control. Looking back I legit don’t know when I didn’t. I felt terror creeping and then before it hit me I stopped. Then I became acutely aware of what was happening and I had absolutely no feeling. I wasn’t even aroused. I just felt calm. Stoic even.

Something I just remembered was that Satan repeated the “just let it happen” after someone else said it. There was this moment where I heard a different version of myself say “just let it happen” and I felt this relapse. The entire experience was cool but nothing like my last 2 trips. As soon as we both came too I looked at him and I said “I feel different”. Today I still feel different. I have bipolar disorder and it lately had been ruining my life. A week to so ago I told my dad I was gonna kill him if he didn’t accept me for being gay and was falling apart anytime I looked at my dog because he ran away and came back looking beat up. I was inconsolable.

Today I feel like I finally get to choose the emotion I want to feel and the intensity at which I feel them.