Super brief background: 90% of the D&D I've played with in my life has been DMing with my high-school group. A lot of good times, but very conflict-heavy. It took me a very long time to realize toxic dynamics between us as friends and how it affected our dnd. Had a friend break up after I established a boundary. I have since started two dnd groups from lfg, and I'm now playing better and dming better than I feel like I've ever had.

I've just started a homebrew game and a Curse of Strahd game with mostly new players to me and people I've found online. And after almost every session, there have been so many compliments about my DMing (not bragging lol). But I've almost been confused as to why things are going so well now so suddenly.

My first thought was just "oh maybe these players have had not great or attentive dms before." But in thinking about my sessions, I realized that my DMing really had suddenly gotten better in a sense. I felt sooooo free to play around and to really get into character. Dialogue came easier, and dramatic lines came quicker. I was more descriptive and a better storyteller.

I was asking myself "why is this??" Because I don't think my skills got so much better over the course of a few weeks for no reason.

And then it hit me - the thing I wish someone had told me 10 years ago.

DMing takes a LOT of bandwidth. Everything external to DMing that you're worrying about takes away from that bandwidth, we're only human. You might be using 90% of your bandwidth worrying if that one player might get all pouty and ruin the table if they roll a nat 1, you might be using bandwidth being paranoid that two players are pissed at each other at the table, or could get angry at the drop of a hat, you might be using it to be concerned if players think other players are cheating, you might be using bandwidth worrying about how your players think about your voice acting.

I realized I was using 70% of my bandwidth paranoid of not making my aggro and defeatist players mad at the slightest disagreement or something not going their way. All of my DM juices were just trying to prevent argument and get through it. It was terrible, and I'm only realizing that now.

I so wish anyone out there who can relate to this to consider playing with different people. It sucks, but no dnd is better than bad dnd. It really is.

I was so obsessed with becoming a better dm for so long, watching acting classes and voice acting tutorials.

I think the question you have to ask is: Are my players allowing me to be the best DM I can be? Am I using any of my energy on interpersonal conflict for fear of hostility at the table?

It's hard to describe how much it sucked in that situation, and how difficult it is to get out of it. You always want to play with your friends, but sometimes you have to realize that you're playing this to have fun. It should be fun - it should be MOSTLY fun at least. It shouldn't be 50/50 or even less fun than that compared to drama.

DMing these new campaigns has been like Rock Lee taking off the leg weights in Naruto.

Figure out and ask yourself if you're wearing any weights. They might be hard to see.