I'm not even close to being new at roleplaying - I've been doing it online since I was about 11. DMing is relatively new, within the last year, and so far most games end up going a month or so before slowing down and stopping. Not really an issue, I don't think I want to commit to something big while I'm getting my DMing legs. All have been online, as I have, well, really terrible social anxiety. Something along the lines of AVPD - I'm deeply afraid of being judged, seen as inferior, made fun at behind my back, etc. Like, TERRIBLY afraid.

Despite this, I love DMing - I'm a creator at heart, I'm studying game design, I've run multitudes of non-tabletop roleplays. I play online now with two very close friends who I am very comfortable with, and two near-strangers. Writing stuff before session is easy as pie. I have TONS of ideas for any number of choices my players will make, I adore world building, and everything has been going well with my players insisting I'm doing fine!

The issue that is when in session, I get weirdly shy about the stuff I've made. I end up getting self conscious about my "dumb" fantasy stuff and play stuff off as jokes so (in my head) I avoid being laughed at - I'm just laughed with. But this makes my sessions much less serious than I sometimes want them to be as I avoid feeling awkward with only joke NPCs and stumbling my way through lore explanations.

How can I start to get over this? I really want to feel confident enough to give my players the intricate world I'm creating, but everytime I stop myself because of anxiety. I know they wouldn't play DND if they didn't want kitschy fantasy, but I still end up feeling way too embarrassed. It really stops me from roleplaying instead of just explaining, so NPCs end up feeling flat as I try and save myself from the embarrassment I feel. (It doesn't help I'm also autistic and awkward at times).