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TW: high school, sui mention . . . . . . .
i had a really traumatic high school experience. it was intense, emotional and harrowing for many reasons. i was severely depressed and even suicidal at some points. towards the end of it, i had what i refer to as a "brain break," where i fully snapped and became a different person almost overnight so to speak. at least that's how i recall it. i don't remember anything from high school, save for a few insignificant memories here and there. what i'm afraid of is, what if i'm not the same person i was in high school? what if i don't remember anything because those memories aren't mine, because i'm not actually the host or core? that thought scared me so bad it sent me into a dissociative episode that lasted a few hours during work today. i am part of an OSDD-1B system, and none of my alters carry memories from that time either, that i know of. could it be possible i'm not the real core? and if so, could it also be possible that the actual host/core is somewhere in hiding, or have i just repressed the memories so deeply it's going to take a long time for me to recover them?
i guess i'm looking for the opinions of people who've experienced the same things i have, and validation as well that my fears aren't stupid. please don't be rude, i'm struggling with this enough as it is
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- 4 years ago
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