Hey fellow survivors.

I have DID, we are working with a psychologist who specializes in it. And our family is supportive for the most part. So we do have some good supports. Yet, we don't have therapy for a couple more days and I'm having an issue I could use some emptional support on.

I met someone very special. Actually, online. I am safe about. They are extremely open and we have talked for hours on end. Sent selfies through out the day. Ect. But they still obviously don't know we are a DID system. We both are very attracted to each other, to each other's heart and person. We have a couple dates coming up to video or voice call chat. Anyway, we sent explicit messages to each other about spicy things. No pictures as I'm not comfortable with it. But now I'm having panic attacks and the others inside, some littles are scared of being abandoned. Some upset we disappointed our religious parents by having spicy talk.

We are late 20's and still share a house with the parents. I can't stop worrying and getting worked up into a panic. I keep trying to relax abd breathe. And like this sweet sweet person says " it's OK, we can take it slow". They are just the sweetest person I've come across. Listens to my boundaries, and so far is a walking green flag. I'm very picky and have been single for 5 years working on me.

But here I am feeling gross and unworthy. I keep crying over what a difference it is talking to this person vs a past partner. I never knew there was a person out there I could click so well with and I'm so scared they might just ghost us if we tell them. It's insane how I can see myself ruining something so good because of my own trauma and anxiety to know if it will work. Or if they won't leave. Please, I am aware this is on my end and i just need support please 🙏

I don't know if I should continue talking explicit spicy stuff for now as it seems to be so triggering. But then again, how do I say that without oversharing??

Thanks for reading

Edit: fixed spelling errors