I hope someone can give me an advice.

our system had 3 alter

-pillar the host, gentle, loving, painter crearive and baker. -beast(me) the protector, impulsive, strong, explosive, adventurous, always positive. And madness, the chaotic, free alter, with no emotion, no concience about others, sadistic, manipulator. High sociability.

In january we find a girlfriend. She knows about us, she accepted us all, pillar was the first loving hery i came after 3 weeks. And finally madness the only we didnt thought he will love one day, started too.

The relationship was good but her mother never liked us, she litterally destroyed our relationship, she have a abusive mother even outside us. Contrôling all her life.

We consumed all our energy, pillar was in his end because of his last relationship this one just consumed him totally. He wanted to offer us a gift before parting, love. Because i didnt wanted to learn about love and madness couldnt because he eas the guardian of our system.

Pillar fused on us both. I became more human more gentle, i discovered how much love is intense. Madness discovered it when her mother used a gpd tracker to find her daughter at hotel and use blackmail to order her to left us, madness for the first time discovered hate. I even needed to control him because it was dangerous.

Our girfriend with time became more a more far from us.. And finally left us last friday.. For me it became an obsession and madness was just want to end all of this like an "incredibly show".

I feel disgusted, anger, depression, melancolia, regret. Madness last friday almost ended his(our) life because he was totally chaotic knowing nothing to do.

We gave all to this relationship, our energy our love, our help to help her with her abusive mother, and we neglected our healty, physically and mentally, we suffer in silence, and we lost our host.

Actually im the host, but on the worst way possible and the third is completely incontrolable.

I have all this love and mad too we cant love the person we sacrified all, we dont know what to do with this emotion.

And im personnally lost. Dont know what to do. Pillar could help me if he was here.

Im lonely and dont knoe what to do.

If i knew this relationship was destructive i never entered into...

If somebody have some advice i take it gladly.

If my text if writed wierdly its normal, i dont speak english like pillar. I only use his memories.

Sincèrely

Beast