Recently had a breakup due to the other person's life issues triggering my system too much.

It came to a head as it was causing continuous instability, also their issues were escalating and putting us in danger (sorry for being vague). We ended on good terms and didn't want it to end, but knew it was for the best at the time.

Personally I'm at the point where I'm wondering what is the meaning of anything, why is life worth continuing being the way I am? It never seems to really get any better and I just feel like I'm a broken, unfixable, unlovable, unstable mess. I can't deal with life in a structured way.

This is made worse due to constant 'impostor syndrome', feeling like I'm making things up, like im just crazy, attention seeking, making excuses for my actions and behaviour. Like, for example how I have an alter of my own, which is my 'demonic' side. Do I think I'm edgy or something? Stupid.

I'm stuck in this stupid disabled body, I can't do what I want to do, when I want, date who I want, life the life I should, look what I actually look like and exist how I do inside. I don't even have an age and this part of me isn't even human.

How am I supposed to live like this? It doesn't feel fair or worth it, I don't think I should or could be truly 'loved' anyway. What a joke.

Alex/Sabbeth