I think I am on a dissociative spectrum of sorts. It’s complicated and it’s hard to even explain. A few years ago I sort of had an epiphany that I was hearing voices, and had been most of my life, just not realizing it.

For me the voices are (90% of the time) more like having thoughts that aren’t mine in my head. Not intrusive thoughts; it sounds like it does when I myself am thinking but I am not the one thinking them. A lot of times they appear as like random tv chatter, so it’s like if someone left a tv on in another room but the room is the back of my head.

The voices do calm down and mostly only happen during periods of continual stress. I haven’t heard them in weeks. But what never changes is the way I shift personalities. I’m not sure I’m using words right so apologies in advance.

But I develop distinct personas in different situations, more so than a normal person I feel. So at work there’s Work Me and at home there’s Home Me, there’s Shopping Me etc. Where I wonder about is that these personas feel very distinct from each other. I have a lot of lost time in general and I specifically have trouble remembering things from other personas than what I’m in. Not just facts but even skills. If someone were to ask me what happened at work while I’m Home Me I would have almost no idea and find it almost impossible to explain what I do.

There’s even some Me’s that are just general use? Like there’s the shitty me that usually runs the show and he’s fine but sometimes the Good Me is around and he has more skills and just helps keep the others calm.

I just don’t know how metaphorical it all is or what to do about it, and the internet is only so helpful and I can’t see a therapist right now (new job).

Movies make dissociating seem like you’re just distinct different people inside one body. But for me, like all the people are still me. They’re just different me’s.

I don’t know if it’s just me being ridiculous or paranoid. I have been dissociating all morning, I think because I’m still building New Work Me. But for now Work Me feels like an empty car that I’m driving remotely. Im doing my best but I can only do so much when no one is actually at the wheel.

Im sorry for how long and incomprehensible this is but thank you to anyone that bothers reading it