We were raped and abused by our father throughout our childhood. We know this for a fact and have our mother, childhood psychiatrist, and sister as proof. However, our trauma holders don’t communicate with me and I still don’t have access to any proper memories of my abuse, just know factually that it happened. This makes us gaslight ourselves into thinking it never happened repeatedly which turns into a cycle of self hate and the urge to contact our father and make up with him after going no contact and agreeing with him when he says we’re just confused. I really think having access to even just one proper memory would finally prove to us that we didn’t just imagine our abuse. How do we access these memories? The alter I suspect holds these memories for us refuses to talk to me and has even scared and hurt us when we first tried looking into his identity/existence. I’ve been begging him to just talk to me or give me a sign that I didn’t make up my childhood trauma but he just remains silent. He is also the only alter (that I know of) with whom I have never been co-conscious, co-fronting and have a very rigid amnesia wall between. The only reason we found out he existed was because he fronted in front of our partner and told them his name. What can I do to get him to communicate with me?