Like the title says I'm beginning to lose hope... First I'd like to apologize that this might be a bit of a sad post but I'm hoping others can relate to my thoughts and feel less lonely.

I've spent the last almost 5 years searching for a daddy dom to take care of me, guide me, and fuck me the way I need with absolutely no luck and some dumpster fires in between. I've had vanilla relationships that were able to check a few boxes but they were disgusted by the idea of being called "daddy" and usually ended in me taking the lead in the relationship because I had my shit together more than stupid immature college boys.

The little in me has felt locked up and oppressed and ignored like a sickness I was hoping would disappear one day if I didn't think about it too much. But this itch inside me is growing and growing and growing until lately I feel like I'm screaming inside my own head to be let out.

All in all it fucking sucks.

There have been online "doms" claiming to want to be my daddy but they only made things worse. I was desperate. A few sweet words and shallow promises and I was foaming at the mouth to be owned and disciplined. Each time they opened my little's pandora box blind trust, false hope, and relief flowed out; fumbled by inexperienced doms and stomped on. None of them understood the responsibility of being a daddy dom. None of them understood what I needed. None of them understood aftercare or subdrop. All they wanted was the fantasy of a cute, young, eager, sexually active girl calling them daddy. I was a funnel for their kinks and fetishes; only a vessel for sexual exploitation.

These days I'm so scared of being taken advantage of and abandoned its not easy to open up anymore. I'm cynical and jaded and extremely picky. My high standards have produced thick chains and heavy locks around my little until my daddy finds me...but I still grieve for her sometimes. Crying when I'm alone at night, then putting my responsible, independent bad-bitch mask on during the day.

When will the day come that I find the daddy I'm looking for. I'm beginning to think it won't... Is it all just a fairy tale? A fake prince charming I think about to sleep easier at night? I just want a man who I can trust and care for unconditionally, someone who understands I don't want to be in control all the time, someone who knows how to push my buttons and use me to satisfy themselves too. Someone who thinks I'm cute, and smart, and sexy, and likes when I'm being a brat, and knows how to handle my attitude. Someone who can have patience and compassion when I need a shoulder to cry. Someone to play with me when I feel bored and restless.

I don't have hope anymore.... I'll never find what I need. Everyday I think about giving up ddlg for good and smothering the last of the fire inside me. Maybe I can be normal one day and stop craving these things...

I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for but I wanted to get it all out and talk to someone. Hear comforting words or similar experiences. Maybe others feel the same? How do you find a good daddy? I'm tired of sorting through creeps online. Or turning down seemingly nice men I'm not physically attracted to.