I've dated someone awhile now, but I've been resistant to make it a committed relationship. I just have a lot of personal baggage, and from the beginning I was very open that I may never again be in a place for monogamy. But we continued, and feelings got stronger, and time was beginning to be spent in a way that we both attribute more to a committed relationship.

I took it upon myself to stop talking to other women, because she spent almost all her free time with me, and I felt in my heart that it would be unfair that I were able to spend time with others when she was working, and then otherwise only with me. Then I said, since I'm already committed in practice, we might as well be in true, so we tried monogamy. But my past was catching up to me, and I was feeling like I've never really explored in even the capacity I think is expected of someone my age. And certainly in comparison to her...

Not for lack of chance, I was in a relationship before this one for essentially my entire adult life. I've not explored. Full stop. But I absolutely could. And I was starting to feel pings of similarity from my past relationship, and feeling like I'm committing myself to something that doesn't really even serve me in the end. So I said I needed to once and for all, break up, and respect the boundaries I said were important to me when we first began speaking. That I need to acknowledge a time for me to heal and be an adult without guilt for a moment.

So, we just had a conversation that spanned about 24 hours straight about how I've not been ready for a committed relationship.

She kept trying to minimize it to me just wanting to fuck other women, who might be hotter than she is, but I just have maintained that it's about how I've not been in a place to offer full emotional support the way I feel I want and need. That it's about how neither of us really are being served as we should, or treated with respect as we hope.

Instead of deciding to break it off, she admitted she has a cuckquean kink... and asked me to reconsider. That she's just insecure from being cheated on before, and how she coped with it before was comparing herself, knowing it was her money that was being used to pay for her boyfriend to fuck someone else and take them on a date, and just get herself off thinking about it all somehow.

I told her I absolutely needed to have no expectations, that I couldn't be in a committed relationship. Finally she asked, could I be her boyfriend if she were my cuckquean, or if I just went ahead and "cheated" on her... We both said we'd take a week to process.