I'm depressed because my deepest desires will never be fulfilled or explored and I won't ever reach sexual satisfaction. My boyfriend is neither interested nor comfortable with sleeping with other women.

I'd even settle for something like him getting an erotic massage while I watched. But -those massages are pricey, and I can't help but feel that he wouldn't want to do that either. And then there are moments when I catch him deleting his browser history. I feel, like I'm being shut out of a side of him that I want to know so badly. I want to participate in his porn fantasies.

Worst part is nothing else arouses me. My body responds only to cuckquean fantasies and BDSM. I need to conjure the image of him fucking another woman just to come :( How do I deal with this?