I consider myself 'anti-beta'. I'm not douchebagey alpha, but considering myself respected, action-oriented, go getter, outgoing, etc. I am attractive, in shape, 8", and enjoy being a "bull" as well and have plenty of times. But I also enjoy the stag and cuckolding lifestyle. I want to explore more cuckolding and i'm open to submissive bi experiences (which would be a first), but holy crap why is it so hard to voluntarily go deeper, especially when you're partner isn't pushing harder as well?

I have a GF and she's great, been together 5 years and we've had our ups and downs and fair share of sexual escapades. I introduced the lifestyle to her, however she's not interested in it as a daily/weekly thought as I am. It's more so a once a month or so she is "interested" primarily herself to take charge and make some extra-kinky things happen. I've struggled with this as I have a much higher threshold of "required kink" than her.

Back to going cuckolding, this is what I find difficult

• My ideal scenario is that my GF takes the lead to find guys who know how to operate with cuckolding sex partners. But she hates doing "The Search" (screening, endless # of guys messaging, the infinite # of Douchebag Chads)
• I dont know if its my ego, but I am not on the level (yet?) of me myself finding other guys for her, so I'm not making progress pushing the journey further. Is it because it makes more "beta"? Is it because I don't want other guys to think of me a "weak cuckold"? I think it's a combo of reasons like this
• It's sort of hard for me to talk about my desire for my gf to enjoy herself with others? I love dirty talking about it, but talking outside of sex-talk it's more difficult when you're just home from a serious day of work. So it ends up not getting discussed often
• If I take the lead on kink, I generally want to do so for things that I can do as well, like searching for other women or couples for me to hookup with... not search for guys
• Guys fucking suck, often. I know how to be a respectful male in the lifestyle but know very well how hard it is to find bulls because I prided myself of being a cherished "good guy bull"
• I'm also not attracted to guys. I find "sexualness" hot and fantasize in bed about submitting to a big cock with my GF, but it's "cock" i'm interested, not the other guy. So I find it challenging to be like "yeah dude, let me approach you and tell you that you're the perfect guy to dominate my GF and make me do naughty things to you. I want you to enforce chasity with me and encourage me to go deeper". Maybe it's because of the "beta cuck, I'm going to fuck your girl with my big cock" douchey try-hard mentality most men have... it's totally the wrong type of behavior I'm looking for. That's the kind of guy who behind your back will tell his friends "yeah, I fuck this guy "Johnny's" girlfriend on the weekends hes a fucking loser man". Fuck that behavior
• I would not, myself alone, pursue another guy, drop to my knees, give head, or do whatever. I'm interested in that kind of stuff by experiencing it with my GF, or her encouraging me and having a blast doing so. That's hot to me
• It's important but I can fuck really well too... so it's not like she's sick and tired of having to have sex with me. We have sex less and its an issue where she wants me to fuck her like I use to (frequently, hard, and long) and I sometimes wish she had some other horny stud to satisfy that desire of her when it pops up. I'm also pretty big so while i enjoy SPH its sort of hard to make it truly a reality... most guys are smaller

Anyways, I want this to happen, and happen more often. It's happened before a few times and cuckolding is such a thrill. You feel ALIVE. It feels good mentally and physically. It's the experience of being with someone you love and desire to be super charged to share her and see her desired by others and for her to take advantage of that sexual power to live with more pleasure. And you're there to make her feel good and worship her feeling good.

But at the same time, I'm the cool guy who is totally cool and understanding if my GF wants to slut it out. I love that stuff and being along for the ride. I'm more of a passive player where she gets benefit and I get enjoyment out of it. We get to experience more moments exploring cuckolding.

But me doing the work and taking a very active lead? It feels like I'm losing respect for myself or opening up to feeling disrespected by other guys I do not want to be disrespected by. I'm not afraid of jealously or seeing your partner have sexual enjoyment like a lot of men are... I'm HATE the idea of another guy thinking less of me as a person for getting off on those and wanting to take advantage. I'm more fearful of that reality.

Anyways, those are my thoughts. would be curious to hear others