Or at least more gay than straight?

My wife told me “You’re gay. I wish you would just accept it and be gay.” I’ve always thought “Naah, I’m bi at best. I think women are hot.” …but I think maybe she’s right. I definitely want to have sex with men WAY more than women, even my wife who I’d prefer to see satisfied by men who actually can. But I’m 100% certain that I want to be married to my wife who’s my partner in life and best friend even if I am gay.

Background:

I find women attractive. I think my wife is the sexiest person I’ve ever known. But through the years I’ve gotten off thinking about the big cocks that have come and gone from my wife’s bed. I love what it can do to her, and I also just think a big cock is sexy. I’ve also messed around with, but never seriously been fucked by guys since I was young. And never more than one-offs. So never given myself the opportunity to really explore it and see if I enjoy it when I get to know what I like.

I’ve been enamored with the idea of being submissive to those men fucking my wife. I’ve worn panties, and entertained the idea that I’m a femme beta male who steps aside to let a real man satisfy his wife. And like a good cuck, I don’t want other women.

I eventually gave in to the fact that I wanted to suck my wife’s lovers cocks and would let them fuck me if they wanted. Like I see in so many posts here about husbands who are sub bottoms for their wife’s bulls.

I also just have less interest in sex with my wife because she has less interest in me. I literally cannot satisfy my wife. My cock is too small to reach her g-spot and so she can’t cum. She’s openly come to terms with that, and so I think “why bother her or why try.” My wife and I have sex sometimes, but not a lot and outside of her I have zero interest in actually having sex with a woman.

One of my wife’s regular fucks is bi, and I suck his cock to get it hard before he fucks her. I finally gave in and had sex with him alone and I loved it. Unlike women, I DO totally want this and want it more.

Anyone else get to where I am? How did you deal with it? How did your wife deal with it?