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I think of this hobby like gambling. Exciting, a thrill unlike any other, but easy to overdo or do in a reckless way that risks your life blowing up completely.
But in many gambling communities you’d see people cautioning beginners not to go too far, giving advice about how to resist the more self destructive urges, providing warnings to those doing risky things.
But here, there are many practices like letting your partner put the 3rd person above you on a not infrequent basis / 24/7, or letting the 3rd move in, or doing nothing to prevent your partner from losing their attraction to you / letting your romantic relationship just become a platonic roommate / good friend.
No doubt there are people who have had success and long lasting relationships that took risks, did extreme play, or eroded the woman’s attraction to the man in the couple to an extreme level, but so too are there gamblers who have risked thousands or tens of thousands on a night out but still managed to avoid serious losses.
I am not saying don’t do things in an extreme manner, or only do things my way (which would be stuff like - make sure the man in the relationship is still having sex regularly with the woman, ideally still dominating her as often as being cucked, don’t have her do overnights with the 3rd or all day dates, basically do everything you can to make sure that even if she prefers sex with another that you have an amazingly strong relationship in every way even sexually). I find the balance of more risk-averse voices to more risk-taking voices to be skewed heavily towards the risk-takers.
But I find it sort of strange that there is just not really a single community for this hobby in Reddit that is both 1) not dominated by onlyfans performers / people trying to make money or find sex partners or posting amateur porn for validation/e-likes and 2) advises caution and doing things in the safest way / least risky way possible to newbies as the prevailing opinion/consensus.
I understand a large portion of commenters are just jerking off / fantasizing or haven’t actually experienced this kink themselves let alone had a vanilla threesome, but you would think there would be at least one realistic community. I would consider creating it but moderation is a full-time job.
Thoughts? Am I alone in this?
This could be just another post of how things used to be in the good ol'days. Instead let's be honest. Unless a sub/blog/community is heavily and strictly moderated it will always have a large percentage of thrill seekers. I have been a member and moderator of this sub for a long time, this sub used to be frequent daily must see for me. Unfortunately it has been reduced to maybe the occasional check every few days. Largely because of thrill seekers posting low quality jerk bait. Then combine that with repetitive questions that literally get posted daily and your genuine members get burned out.
My bio: Husband to a hotwife for over 20 years. Always very sexually adventurous couple even while dating. Started swinging about 10 years ago, quickly realized I preferred watching her. Been in a hotwife aka slutwife lifestyle for 7 years. My tendencies are more cuckold humiliation where as my wife doesn't like the cuckold humiliation aspect at all but she loves the hotwife/slutwife lifestyle.
I'll post my best advice for all who are genuinely interested in this lifestyle.
How to get started? Communication is key! Talk to your partner, be open and honest about each of your fantasies. Really listen don't just wait to talk! Just because you want something doesn't mean your partner wants the same. Be prepared to prioritize each other and your loving relationship above all else. If you're not fulfilled in your relationship be prepared to admit that. Be willing to make the changes in your life to be happy, don't use this as an excuse to blow things up. Once you and your partner are in the same sexual mind space about your fantasies and desires choose a mutually agreeable path forward. Patience is key, quality over quantity! It's best to search for bulls using dedicated lifestyle services like FetLife or swinging websites like SLS. Start slow, examine the profile/bio of any potential bull. Start chatting with the bull using an app, respect his time and demand the same for you. Be open and honest with the bull, make sure everyone is aware of what's okay and what's not. After you get a vibe that things sound compatible with a bull setup a meet and greet at a public place like a bar with an understanding that it's just a meet and greet. Show up early and have one drink to calm down. See how the conversation goes, encouraging dialogue between all. After you all head home talk to your partner too see how they feel about the next steps. Encourage your partner to pursue their desires with the bull if they are feeling an attraction. Give them the freedom and space to communicate with the understanding that once things progress to the meet up sexy time you require full knowledge and input. Once you reach the scheduling meet up point with a bull, it has been my experience that you have success. The actual sexual experience is huge but to be honest, if you're patient and do the pre-work, only the best bulls will make it to this scheduling point. I'm a firm believer that a partner needs the space & freedom of meeting bulls alone. You can always remain within a safe distance that works for everyone involved. Don't ever sacrifice safety!
How to prepare for that first sexual meet up? It is difficult the first time your partner takes on a bull. Jealousy, anger, & lust can all be very powerful. These emotions can crop up at anytime and they can be very surprising. For at least a week prior to their first meet up don't orgasm. Tell your partner that you are specifically saving yourself for when you rejoin after the bull. This will keep you focused on the pleasure of your partner while keeping you very horny. Reinforcing that their pleasure achieved with the bull is directly related to your pleasure. Once your partner returns to you engage in open and honest communication. Don't be afraid to be honest about what you like and don't like. Listen to what your partner likes and doesn't like. Reevaluate what works for you both continuously, you are doing this together. If you both are honest you will find a comfort zone that works. This comfort zone will offer more freedom and pushing of boundaries. The key is to never get so comfortable that you stop communicating. I'll repeat what I said in the beginning, prioritize your loving relationship.
There's many variations of cuckolding, I understand and respect that. This isn't a one size fits all life lesson for cuckolding. It's what works for me and what I think could generally work for anyone interested in the lifestyle.
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