Hi everyone.

I've been having some confusing sexual/relationship/identity thoughts and feelings lately regarding cuckold and hotwife relationships.

My ex-girlfriend and I dated for three years and have been off and on for another year after. She's slept with several men in each of the two times we've broke up but I haven't slept with anyone. We've recently rekindled, however she's casually seeing someone.

When we were together we had amazing sex. I was her Dom she was my sub; we were into heavy bondage, forced pregnancy fantasies, orgasm denial, tons of fun stuff. Eventually, I started asking her questions about her exs during sex, which led to frequent dirty talk about her sexual experiences. We even tried to set up a threesome with a guy but it fell through. Our fantasies were mainly about a hotwife situation where she did everything with my encouragement and participation.

But now my interests are flipping. I've been fantasizing about visiting her but she continues to fuck the guy she's seeing without regard to my feelings, or even if I'm watching. I've been imagining cuckold fantasies where I'm not in control. It's really freaking me out, to be honest. I don't know why, I know its not that different than my previous interests, but it's weirdly hitting me really hard.

My question is whether this is a sincere sexual interest of mine, or a coping mechanism to deal with the fact she's seeing someone while we're trying to patch things up. Maybe instead of being angry and jealous, I'm sexualizing negative feelings to be able to move on? A large part of my confusion is because this interest sprouted up so suddenly and around the time my ex and I started talking again.

Helpful thoughts would be appreciated.