Hi all. In a desperate attempt to gather my thoughts and save my relationship, I’m reaching out for support and guidance after doing a cuckold experience for the first on the weekend and it going badly.

As background context my partner and I have been together 7 years in an amazing loving relationship. We have a house, are engaged and due to get married next year. The fantasy of being with others has always been a part of our relationship. Across the last 4 years in particular our messaging and sexual chat have revolved around this.

About 3 months ago a mutual friend messaged her on Instagram with compliments. I said why don’t you entertain it. She did and the conversation got sexual very quickly. We toyed with the idea of getting him over. I changed my mind routinely - was it the right thing to do? I didn’t want to lose my partner.

This weekend I went away on holiday and our texts became sexually charged. We agreed she would invite him over. I changed my mind two or three times through the day but she said she wanted it so we did it. She removed her engagement ring, got herself dressed in some sexy clothes and he came over. She stopped herself having sex but engaged in foreplay with him. He is very well endowed. He stayed at our house for a couple of hours and then immediately left. She messaged me excitedly from there on.

I returned home two days ago and we had the best sex of our lives. Unfortunately after 4 or 5 amazing orgasms between us and Upon discussing it after I said I just couldn’t handle this mental trauma and wanted to stop the fantasy there. She said she regretted not having sex with him and wanted to explore it further and that it was because of his size that she was just intrigued to do it again. Would i give her permission? If I said no, she said it was completely fine.

The dynamic has fundamentally changed. I have discovered the fantasy is just that, yet I know she wants more of this well endowed experience. What threw me most was they continued to exchange graphic messages afterwards. In fairness when I said for that to stop it did. The crazy thing it does indeed turn me on, but not at the detriment of losing my future wife.

My partner is adamant with me it was nothing but sex, that she loves me dearly and is still processing in her mind whether it was the right thing to do or not. Yet, she keeps inferring she was like to just experience it once more.

I haven’t slept. Haven’t eaten. And we’re struggling so badly between us to deal with the realisation of what has happened. My depression and anxiety is so high, I have come on to reddit for the first time to try gather some advice and guidance from this sub, because right now, it appears that one evening could have destroyed the one very good thing in my life right now. Any help would be much appreciated.