My fiancée and I have been together for nine years, and over the past few years, I’ve gradually opened up to her about certain aspects of my sexuality, including submissive kinks, size-related fantasies, and cuckolding fantasies. To my relief, she has been incredibly understanding and supportive, which has allowed us to explore these desires together in a safe and consensual way.

We’ve experimented with role-playing and incorporating toys into our intimacy. After trying out various options, we found a couple of sleeves that we both enjoy, as well as a dildo. Over time, we also explored pegging, but that wasn’t something she particularly enjoyed, so we decided not to continue with it.

These conversations about my fantasies are usually initiated by me, and we've even entertained the idea of traveling somewhere where a more open lifestyle is prevalent, perhaps exploring the possibility of a one-night experience with a “Bull.” However, I’m not entirely sure we’d ever actually go through with that.

I should clarify that my fantasies aren’t rooted in dissatisfaction with our relationship. In fact, I’m not small, so it’s not about physical inadequacy. I struggle to pinpoint exactly where or when these kinks began, but I know they stem from unresolved issues tied to my traumatizing childhood.

While my fiancée has been nothing but accepting, I find it hard to come to terms with this submissive side of myself. I often feel a deep sense of insecurity about it, fearing that she might secretly see me as less of a man because of these desires. Despite her reassurances, I can’t help but project those insecurities onto our relationship.

I’ve even tried abstaining from pornography, thinking it might help me suppress these feelings, but the truth is that part of me still craves the dynamic of being dominated. Even during our explorations with toys and role-play, there’s often a lingering sense of unease or incompleteness. Specially post Orgasm.

So I wanted to know does anyone else feel anything similar? How do you deal with the inner voice?