My wife has had a handful of play dates with an ex over the past year. I was usually present and recording, although they had 2 occasions together where I only joined by FaceTime, remotely. Last month he was slow and cagey about setting up the next date, and eventually he confessed that he isn’t comfortable with the cuckold dynamic and me being present. At first, my wife just said to him ‘I understand, this isn’t for everyone, best wishes.’ He told her he was really bummed, that he was so into her and theif amazing sex. He asked if there was any possibility to play alone again.

She said to me that we’ll just have to find a new partner who is into this lifestyle.

As she was relaying all of this to me, I could intuit that she was really going to miss him (they have great chemistry in bed). So I said—if you want to be with him, you should just see him solo. She said… ‘well maybe, just until we find a new partner…’ (I should also note that her relationship with the ex put a lot of heat in our own sexual relationship, which became much more satisfying for us once she was cuckolding me with him.)

Meanwhile, I’ve been working hard to find a suitable new partner. As those of you with experience will know, it is a slog! She is very particular (as she has every right and reason to be), but that means the vast majority of men are ineligible. Moreover, while she is a delightful person, she is - surprisingly for such a sexual hotwife - quite introverted, and doesn’t enjoy the process of meting new people (this is true both in and outside of the lifestyle). When I DO find someone who might meet her requirements (size, health, and location-related), she is willing but often moderately reluctant or unenthusiastic about the meet.

My wife has set a date for today to meet with the ex for a lunchtime session of lovemaking. I am out of town, btw. I feel profoundly conflicted. On one hand, the proper aspiration of a cuck should be his wife’s pleasure and fulfillment, and I do indeed want her to have what she wants and needs. On the other, I feel uneasy about his demand to be alone with her, and unwillingness to have me present. I think he really doesn’t even want to acknowledge my existence in her life, or the fact that she is cuckolding her husband. (In fact, he previously asked whether, if anything ever went wrong with us, if he would have another chance with her.) I feel the thrill of cuckold angst (in fact, I found and arranged the hotel room where they’ll meet.) But I also feel some betrayal and anger… it’s complicated by the fact that the cuckolding was my idea, and there’s always a feeling that she’s accommodating my kink (although she is, as I said, very sexual and deeply enjoys sex with him—obvs). So in that respect I feel I have to allow whatever form of the kink she wants to enact.

I can already hear the responses from a portion of the audience here - “red alert! Danger! You’re gonna lose her!” I wonder if there are others, though, who have worked through this conflicted space. It’s important for me to acknowledge that I’m not even sure myself about these feelings: I feel the angst (which is super arousing), and I feel the surface-level sense of minor betrayal (which seems like common sense).

Your ideas and experiences are welcome…