I was recently talking to a street artist with my fiancé. It was like an interactive experience of drawing and philosophizing about life and various topics. At one point, we discussed jealousy, where both my fiancé and I mentioned that we’re not jealous at all. Eventually, the handsome young British artist asked us if we think marriage will change anything sexually. While we pondered the question, he continued to elaborate that although he and his girlfriend are monogamous and have never been to any kind of sex clubs, he wonders what it might take to create the trust necessary to live the open life humans are supposedly meant to live, having lots of sex with lots of people. He also wondered if marriage could be the element that brings this trust and security in a relationship.

It’s a somewhat odd question to ask when someone doesn’t know that we indulge in an open relationship/swinger/hotwife/cuckold lifestyle. We hadn’t talked to him before, and he didn’t know us. He might just talk about this topic with many people, or perhaps it’s another sign that open relationships are becoming more common among young European couples. But maybe it was our vibe or something we said that motivated him to ask about this topic.

Have any of you ever felt like there’s a certain vibe to a couple, just a gut feeling that they might be more open? Or has it ever happened to you that people, without being directly told, correctly assumed you were in the lifestyle?

Oh, and if anyone is wondering what we answered to his question: We both agreed that it is not marriage that creates such trust but the continuous and constant effort to avoid giving your partner doubts. It’s the attention to detail and the extra effort to consider how something makes the other person feel and whether it might hurt them. Both my fiancé and I know monogamous couples who never give each other the feeling of being enough. In their minds, their partner might as well be cheating because of the lack of security and trust in their relationship. No marriage, no promise, no rules—nothing can compensate for long-term, mutually built trust based on everyday situations.