The anxiety is very real. Any bull/third who says it's never been an issue for them in their lives is in the 0.000000001% of the people out there.

Finding a regular often helps with this. Definitely give them another chance. The guy who just worked double shifts for the past 3 nights might be so fatigued he can't be his best. But he wanted to try instead of flaking on you. Some guys need warm up and foreplay too... so there is that.

I ask them up front about how they handle conflict. They sometimes forget its just as much an interview for them as it is for me.

When people pull the veto power out or the "i can end this anytime i want for any reason" i simply refuse to deal with them. They can keep their wife to themselves for all i care. Any wife who would accept that isn't the kind of woman I'm attracted to anyway. I don't need the sword of damicles hanging over my head all the time. If they are so insecure that they have a nuclear option, they aren't healthy enough for me to be involved with.

I love when I get asked. Not a problem for me to do at all. Many of my people have been military wives. They take knowing who their wives fuck seriously. It's not common in the people looking for one night stands. For the people looking for a regular exclusive play partner, it is common for me. It's a great idea as well. STIs aren't the only risk. You find out the guy had been in and out of prison, you might want to keep away from that element. Domestic violence? No thanks. DUI's and you know there is a substance abuse issue.

If a playmate refuses those things they have something to hide. Whether it's a background check or STI tests. The married - cheating ones will refuse.

Examples of arbitrary, silly, illogical and out of touch with reality rules:

1. Expecting me to be exclusive but no more than one date a month
2. The no catching any feelings rules - they are going to happen. It's biological and chemical. People bond when they fuck. Punishing people for feelings and breaking up a good friendship is bullshit. Get thyself to therapy to learn coping skills instead.
3. No kissing - She can tongue punch my anus, swallow my cum, get throat fucked, but kissing her on the lips? That's a bridge too far.
4. No doing anything with him you don't do with me! - people act differently with different people. Demanding she not give me oral because she doesn't enjoy oral with you is not rational. Or if she wants anal with me but doesn't want to do anal sex with you... it could be that she doesn't want to do things because of how it might change your everyday dynamic. I'm wearing a 64mm wide condom... she most likely isn't doing anal with me. So my point is that it works both ways. There are things she enjoys with her husband that she doesn't do with me.
5. It's CHEATING if you don't do exactly what I want you to do! You must film everything or it's CHEATING! - No... no it's not. YOu can be disappointed, but that isn't going to change the fact that you consented to her having sexual freedom to fuck another person. Just because it doesn't happen the way you want it to, or she doesn't take photographs doesn't mean that it's defacto now cheating. That's childish. And to your point, they need to work that out. It has nothing to do with me. Personally, I don't like video floating out there of me on pornhub type sites because the cuck shared it for kicks. That's a hard no for me. It's happened to me.
6. If at anytime I feel insecure, I can pull the plug on things and you have to just break it off. - Nope, never signing up for that shit. I demand and deserve the ability to defend my actions or my position. The absolute veto power rule isn't one that I'll sign up for. And to be clear, if I do something that breaks a rule, boundary that I've agreed to, then I'm not going to fight it. But if he is insecure and starts regretting giving up sexual exclusivity with his wife - then that's for him to work out in therapy. I don't take sides or interfere with marriages - so if they have issues, the need to work them out.
7. I must be able to join in if I want! Or it's over! - You need consent from all parties, you can't make demands like this and come out on top. The bull/lover/playmate might not be down with a threesome.

***I could go on infinitely, but I think you get the point.

Rules I consider wise and sound:

1. No playing at home, we have kids/family at home.
2. Absolute discretion. Other than your own wife, nobody discusses it. you are just a family friend. NO PDA's in public locally.
3. STI Testing before playing even if condoms are used there are still risks.
4. Kids come first. If we have to cancel due to child care issues, then so be it.
5. No dating on special days (birthday, anniversary, christmas, etc)
6. No going raw without another test 2-3 months from the first one. Exclusivity is an absolute requirement. Cucks and Cuckqueans can fuck their spouses, but nobody else.
7. No willful interference in the marriage. Talk of "Let's run away together" etc... will absolutely not be tolerated.
8. You will submit to a criminal background check - super smart. Love this when couples think enough of their spouse to run a background check to make sure the guy isn't a scumbag with domestic abuse or sexual assault charges. Adore and respect couples that run background checks.
9. Enthusiastic fully informed consent is required for everything.
10. birth control will be used - no pills that can be forgotten and result in an oooops... we're pregnant.

You are correct. I have zero problem with reasonable boundaries and limits. It's the arbitrary ones that I can't abide. Those boundaries or rules designed to manipulate and control the situation.

If we want different things, I'm okay with that. I'll move on so that I can be with someone who I vibe with. I've run into far too many toxic cucks with unrealistic expectations. Ones that coerce and manipulate their wives... I can't be party to that. From an ethical standpoint, I'd be obligated to step in and stop the abusive behavior.

"Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."- Monsignor, Boondock Saints.

It's not that I disregard the cuckolds desires or ignore boundaries, I simply place the wife's priorities above both his AND mine. I also have an issue doing things conditionally in most cases. I can agree to exclusivity for instance (that's common sense and safety related). But demanding things be video recorded - I'm gonna walk away from that kind of thing. Or making hard limits on silly things that highlight their unrealistic expectations or newness to the lifestyle? I'll simply say no thanks and let someone else break the reality to them.

Got it. Like you said, compatibility is what I seek out. I don't try to make them come round to my way of thinking either. I just tell them "thanks, but no thanks". And I give the wife the reasons I don't think it's a good idea, suggest a few books on non-monogamy and give them the contact info of therapists in our area that specialize in non-monogamy. I make sure to tell them they are beautiful - that I appreciate how much effort it took to come out to meet me. I let them know the reasons and why I think it's an unhealthy dynamic. Remind them if they aren't doing it for their own happiness then refuse to do it at all. More than one unrealistic manipulative cuck has lost his fantasy because I shined the spotlight on that behavior.

That said, I've met great well adjusted couples as well. My wife screens people so that I don't have to waste my time. They should be willing to take an attachment style assessment. If it comes up as anything other than mostly secure, it's a pass. I'm looking for playmates with long term potential, not one night stands. So if there is no compatibility, I'm not wasting my time. If there are glaring red flags, I'm moving on.

I'm usually great friends with the cuck as well. I'll pass if I don't like the cuck. Could be a smoking hot wife, but if the cuck is a jerk or I just don't vibe with him, I'm gonna bow out.

One thing of note, I've done pictures and short video for husbands. But i control the content and ensure there are no identifying elements. It's the circumstances under which the video is made that matter. It's never because it's a requirement or condition of the wife's sexual freedom.

Then I would NOT be fucking your wife, you'd have nothing to worry about. I'd move on to the next woman and let you find someone who is into being video recorded. I'm not going to be with a wife who has a controlling "what in it for me?" husband.

Couples are often a package deal. Most often it's the cuckold who ruins everything for the wife. Why can't she get a decent long term lover? Usually, it's the cucks fault. But the majority of y'all don't want to hear that. You don't want to hear that those arbitrary rules and demands make a husband look weak and grasping for control. It is a red flag when the husband does it for the wrong reasons and what he can get out of it. That's why so many cuck marriages fail. Not because of the bull, but because the wives realize that they can do whatever they want. That the power the cuck claims to have is a paper tiger. They start doing what they want eventually unless you have them gaslighted enough to destroy their sense of self determination.

No... just low tolerance for time wasting. I'm actually great. Been dating a well adjusted couple for over a year now. Makes you realize you can and should be choosy.

If it's not what i want, then i walk away. I'm not wasting time or effort trying to convince anyone of anything. The woman has to offer me more than fucking. I can get that anywhere. As far as what the husband wants? I'm not a prostitute nor a porn actor for him to direct and control. He can fuck right off with that attitude. If he's cool and nice and reasonable great. If he's not, he can find someone else. I avoid drama. I have zero patience for whiny insecure toxic cucks.

Not going to argue. Personally, I don't fuck wives who are married to a petulant manipulative guys. I have no shortage of playmates either. While i get that some people do this together, and have conditions - i simply walk away. Not going to waste my time if i have to deal with a spider web of rules and conditions. No time in my life for insecure males who are in toxic relationships.

Respectfully, what do you do when she realizes that you hold zero power other than the divorce hammer? She has to do as you say or else you MAKE her cut it off? Nah... that's a recipe for disaster. It's not a gift either, you sound entitled here. It's not a good look. I've had cucks like you try that and gotten shot down hard.

Wives are not property and are not chattel. One day she's going to meet someone and realize that you hold zero power and she's going to push back hard for what SHE wants.

The only tool you have is the divorce threat hammer. And that's it. She didn't record something you begged her to do? That will come up in court and be made part of permanent public record. You'd be outed to the world and lose half your money, pay spousal support and pay child support on top of that in most cases. No cuck I've ever known has successful done the divorce threat.

Judge:: " So let me get this straight... you pestered her to fuck other men as these texts and facts in evidence show, but she didn't make a video recording... so to you it's cheating and because you didn't get your video of her doing it - you now want a divorce? Okay it's a no fault state, but she's gonna get spousal support and custody because I deem you are abusive and not a good influence on the children. (laughs his as off as the whole court room snickers)."

She's going to make a case for custody saying you manipulated her into it, forced or coerced her into sex with other men and take you to the cleaners. A word to the wise, understand you lost control of the situation the moment you embarked on this journey.

Conditional sexual freedom isn't freedom at all. It's manipulative, controlling, and toxic.

Probably a good idea to call it quits. A video for you to jack off to shouldn't be a condition on her sexual freedom or the privacy rights of her lover. She's a wife, not an on-demand porn actress. She's not property, nor a kink dispenser.