Hi all! Gay guy here, 14-years happily married. My husband and I have explored this lifestyle, but there seems to be some disconnect and I’m not quite sure how to solve.

Obviously there are several different forms of cuckholding. For simplicity sake, ur dynamic is that he likes me to talk to other guys, leave the house and sleep with them on camera for him to watch, and have no control over what’s happening, returning home once I’m finished. His mentality is that video evidence, albeit cam or recording, includes him as part of the experience

There’s a caveat to this however, and that has always been that we “both must be attracted to the guy.” Initially I was fine with that, excited to explore this new kink of his together.

However, as time has gone on I’ve noticed there’s a pretty steep difference between whom he desires and whom I desire. Additionally, the things I’m into are more passion-based and he’s into things more primal-based. In attempts for clarity, I’ll give an example — I desire heavy kissing and he is mostly indifferent about it. I do consider these things in my as im in the experience and it affects my performance.

I understand it’s important to consider the cuck in this dynamic. But the considerations of what he likes directly impact my performance and desires because I feel to a degree like I’m “performing” for him. It even has rubbed off on the guys I’ve been with pulling us out of the moment to take a recording, where they feel the pressure of performance.

Trying to navigate how to enjoy this lifestyle without feeling confined to these boundaries so he remains comfortable. It could be all in my head and me doing it to myself, so maybe someone can reframe the situation in an erotic fashion to get me out of my head? I don’t really know what I’m looking for, I just feel a bit lost on how to rectify these concerns.