Ill try to be brief but include the relevant details hopefully

Wife and I are 50/49 married 25 years together for 28. She only slept with her ex before me a couple of times before we met.

Fast forward to last few years where we opened up to going on SDC and swingers clubs. She’s open to FFM not bc she likes girls but to fulfill my fantasy. Awesome. But unicorns are very hard to find as we all know but she doesn’t want another guy or even a couple because there’s another guy involved which makes opportunities very slim.

Now she masturbates with big dildos and loves it and sends pics and vids and will make comments occasionally about being horny or wanting another dick but always follows up with its just a joke and just kidding. I feel like over last few years she’s kinda warming up to it but feels like she’s disrespecting me by even thinking about another guy.

I love seeing her being slutty and now kinda want to see her get fucked hard NSA but really think if i was completely honest she will be offended yet i feel like she’s much closer to trying it.

So my question is from the ladies perspective, what may be the hang up and how do i get her to engage.