Alright,

I Am Lost.

For real. Or perhaps,

I Lost.

She has a man who she really loves and though we had some misunderstandings early on with their relationship I have moved past those and am okay with them together.

The part where I am lost on is this. When she comes home she is seems distant, and perhaps bothered by me.

What did I do? Nothing.

If someone were to be upset it should be me. Right?

One she was the one fucking and having fun, going on dates with this guy while I sat at home and watched kids for two days. No problem. I wasn't upset.

We established rules before we started all of this the first time and then we had to readdress rules later. One of those rules and I think most important is the reconnect. Spending valuable time with each other when you reunite. Am I wrong? Is that not important? Does that mean sex? I think it does. Maybe not always penetrative, but pleasure and desire and love being shared between each other. Helping each other know (in this case helping me know) that I am your number one.

This is the part where I think maybe

I Lost.

Maybe I am not longer number one. Maybe he has won that spot.

Maybe I am no longer loved, valued and treasured. Maybe she is the one who has lost.

Lost that loving feeling has never felt so real to me. That song echoing in my head. "you've lost that loving feeling....now your gone gone gone."

I don't want to lose her. But maybe I have already

Lost.

What do you all think? Pls looking for real legit thoughts. Thanks.

UPDATE: My wife was more than understanding when I asked her to just cut it off for now, just give me and her some time to reconnect.

Looking good so far, we will readdress this after some time.