My boyfriend and I have been exploring cucking for months now with overall success. We found a long-term bull we both like and have been seeing him on and off since early spring, sometimes all of us together sometimes just him and I one on one.

It's been a while since we've seen him since he's been out of town until last week. When my bf asked if I had been talking to our bull lately I didn't want to lie so I said yes. I said we made plans to meet in a few days. This really upset my boyfriend because apparently I wasn't supposed to tell him the exact day and time I meet my bull. This wasn't a rule we had so I was a little confused, but he had mentioned previously that he was curious how he would react to me cucking him without him knowing beforehand.

He asked me to reschedule, and this is where I maybe fucked up. I told him okay with no intention to actually cancel. One of the last times we were dirty talking he told me to do whatever I wanted on my own terms, and to go as far as to even pin him by his neck and "tell him how it's going to be" if he tells me no. Of course I wouldn't go that far, but I felt encouraged by his words anyway. I didn't get permission last time I cucked him with someone else and he ended up loving that. I thought, okay, maybe I just need to be more assertive here. I'm not a super sexually dominant person by nature so I'm always worried I'm not doing enough to make him feel submissive. I figure I'll keep my plans and surprise him after the fact.

A few days later my guilt is getting to me and I check with him again and he doubles down, saying he can't believe I didn't cancel the first time he asked. He said he knows now that if I were to cancel I'd only be doing it for him. I don't know what to say to that- of course it would only be for him. I want to get fucked, the same way I've been getting fucked for months. I don't know why it's such an issue now. At the same time I love my boyfriend so much and don't want to hurt him.

I go to cancel and type up a long message to my bull and my bf stops me and says to just go anyway. I say that this feels like a test or a trick question or something and he says it isn't. Then this morning before he heads to work he says to let him know if I end up canceling. So it's obvious what he wants me to do.

My date is in a few hours and I don't know what to do. I wonder if the damage is already done and I should just see my bull anyway and try to have fun, or if I'm being selfish and should cancel.