I saw another post today had a similar theme so I figured I'd nut-up and finally share on here and see if I can find any answers.

So from the time I was 25 to now (I'm currently 28) I've been into cuck porn. It started as curiosity, grew to a habit, and ended as an almost daily thing. When I was 26 my wife (gf at the time) came into my life. She didn't know anything about what cucking was really and especially didn't know that I was really into the idea of it. Well, we inevitably ended up getting married and we just....never were compatible sexually. The other aspects of our relationship were strong enough to where we still had a very great time with one another and love each other, but I just could not satisfy her sexually without alot of help (tools, pills, books, etc).

Because of this, I finally got the courage to ask her if she'd be open to the idea of another guy. She was pretty against it at first, but the more I explained that it was more common than she realized and how it had been a long term fantasy of mine, she slowly but surely opened up to the idea. Well about 4/5 months ago she had her first bull. He stayed in town for a weekend and now, I genuinely don't think there's any going back. He fucked her the way I've always wanted to. Aggressive, passionate, made her cum, the whole fucking deal. She was so happy afterwards and told me "I'm so glad you brought this into our lives" word for word.

Only problem is.....it was nothing like what I thought it would be. There was almost no enjoyment in it for me in any way. I stupidly told her I wanted to be in the room watching "just like the videos" and almost immediately when they started I felt sick. It was like I was being punched in the gut over and over till it was done. Since then I haven't sat in on anymore of her experiences (she's had a total of 6 with 4 different guys) and I just feel genuinely gutted when she asks when her next date will be. The idea is still hot to me in some ways, but I learned quick that the actual practice is super overwhelming. How do I somehow get used to/find a way to be ok with this? Or preferably, how do I tell her I don't want it anymore without making her unhappy. I still love her with all my heart and I do genuinely want her happy and satisfied in all ways in life, I just don't know if I can do this anymore. Please, any suggestions will help......

UPDATE: We spoke about it and I explained how I felt. We both agreed that there's no real benefit for either of us in her stopping, so instead we're gonna focus on more ways for me to have fun and enjoy the experiences along with her.