Hey y'all. I'm anxiously writing this post as my heart beats so hard I almost feel sick. I've been instructed to come here seeking advice. You see, my husband and I have some issues, and it's becoming more and more difficult for me to resist outside temptations.

The situation: Me 30ishF, hubby 40ishM. We dated for nearly 7 years, and married now for 2. I was a risk taking wild child when we met, and he was incredibly straight laced (still is). I had been working in online SW for 5 years when we met, and I have extensive deep history in the BDSM community going back over a decade. I was incredibly candid and upfront with that information, he had no issues but asked me not to ever share any details. The caveat being, he wouldnt consider marriage unless I was no longer doing that line of work. A few years into the relationship and I did quit, I have since been fortunate enough to find myself fulfilling jobs (maybe not financially) and a career.

Early on in our relationship, the sex was fun! Spontaneous, exciting, but still very vanilla. I was happy with it, happy to have a break from all of the nastyness I experienced in my SW job over the years. I appreciated being seen for myself, instead of how I could be manipulated and used.

Over time it got boring, then all together stopped. It was my fault at first, I had recently quit SW and I was processing some old trauma that made me touch repulsed. He was understanding. We talked about it, he understood. But then it just never started up again, even when I made him aware that I was grateful for his patience and open to being more physical again.

At that point he had gained significant weight, and had developed depression and insecurities in his physical appearance and endowment, or lack there of. It just continued to snowball, getting worse. He lost some close family, and that was the cherry on top of his self apathetic depression sundae. He hasn't been the same ever since, it has actually broken him in ways that I can't fully appreciate. Of course that had further impact on our situation. Over the same period of time, my libido had begun to pick up to what it had been pre SW. Paired with particular spicy manic spree I've been on since October, well, it's come to a head and I can no longer ignore what I need, and always have.

I hate that for him, he won't talk about it to me much, and he refuses any treatment because of ego and pride. He is very prideful, he considers himself A Man™, you know the type. He would never lay a finger on me, we never fight, he struggles to as much as cause me pain from light spanking. Over the course of our nearly decade long relationship, I can count the number of times he's made me cum on one hand. The same could be said inversely, (still more than all my fingers and toes tho) due to no lack of enthusiasm or effort on my part - which he has acknowledged. He knew my history when we met, he knew how absolutely outrageous and aggressively sexual I always had been. I never told him details, but he knew more than a few extra spicy tidbits that would make your knees weak.

I try to initiate, I beg, I dress up, I dress down, I am an actual slut just desperate to feel fulfillment again and help my husband. I love him more than anything in the world, I would never leave him, and I would never physically cheat on him. I think this could possibly be a healthy outlet for him, but I'm terrified of that conversation. Especially given his current mental health and unwillingness to get help in any form.

So I guess what I'm saying here in all too many words is, help a wife out? Thanks in advance for any insight, I appreciate it. Please no DMs, keep it in the comments.