My gf and I have been together for 10 years now and I’m thinking about proposing this year. I’m on the smaller end and consider myself below average. Throughout the years she’s jokingly commented on my size and laughed it off. 2 years ago (March 2021) I brought up the idea of bringing a bull into our relationship. At first she was confused and had no idea what cuckolding was. She eventually agreed but I felt like she only did it to please me. Fast forward 3 months later, we found a bull who was 19 years old. Hung, good looking, great guy overall. The first time was great and ended up meeting 4 more times (once every 3 months to be exact). Keep in mind, we only used him for sex. He was more of a boy toy and he was fine with it. Eventually he had to move out of state and it all ended (May 2022). I can tell she was disappointed and so was I. Because if this experience, our sex life was amazing. She would cum harder whenever we would have sex. We would talk about those meets up and she’d get so wet and horny. After it all ended, my urges to have another experience are so strong. All I can think about is those times and rewatch the videos we took (with consent of course) while I please myself. Recently I’ve brought up the idea of finding another bull but she hesitated and asked why. I told her that our sex life improved because of our bull and she knows it too but steers away from the convo and switches topic. As I mentioned in the beginning, I want to propose but I don’t think my urges will ever go away. I truly believe this lifestyle is for me but not for her. What can I do?