I have had a strong bull fetish for years. I don't remember when I started being an online bull, but I think I had been offered by a couple on dirtykikpals while looking for submissive women, and I somehow let it flow naturally without much thought.

I love the feeling of control, the power rush of controlling a couple and playing with their mind, making them explote their kink by my orders. The ego boosting of making a women "relinquish" her property and submit to a "superior" man, the humiliation towards the cuck, the cock worship, and all the little dynamics. I've been months without doing it, but then I crave it again. Over the years I've been in two long term cuck relationships with two couples, one for some months and the other for more than a year. I really liked the chemistry and how everyone seemed to mostly enjoy it.

But once I think about it, I can't help but feel I'm doing something wrong. At first I was trying to avoid it, but over time I've been growing more wary of it. I can't take that unease, and I feel that I'm hurting them somehow. Even if they're into that, I feel like I'm using their kinks to abuse them. That I'm putting my pleasure over what I think it's right. I may come out as judgemental here of other bulls, but I promise I'm not. That's how I personally feel, maybe due to my upbringing. I don't really know. This is also one of the reasons why I avoided meeting physically even when proposed.

I've played with other couples, but I've usually filtered to make sure they're not hurting themselves (like watching for some sort of red flags like psychological abuse from one partner to the other) and tasked them for limits, and trying to make sure they're ok and will tell me if they're uncomfortable. During those times, I've talked with people who I felt were having a harmful relationship with their kink, which made me even more worried about the healthiness of doing this sort of stuff. That grew considerably more when I was playing with a guy who was telling me it was everything fine, but in the end of the session he was being clearly distressed and harmed by it. I tried to apologize and end things well, but he deleted his account, and I felt kinda like shit for teasing his limits even when he said it was ok.

I'm not here to question anyone's choices or say they should stop their kink (given that they respect rules and care about their partners). Not looking for pity either, I know any choice I've made is my own decision. Only looking to vent out something that I haven't mentioned to anyone, and maybe looking for your personal point of view, specially as a cuck or wife.