As long as I (M27) remember, and definitely since puberty, I was always into feet, nylon and pantyhose, breathplay and cross dressing. Since puberty, when I was home alone, I used to breathplay with a plastic bag (or a "rope" created out of intertwined toilet paper, which was surprisingly strong) and I used to cross dress (unfortunately, my mom only had nylon knee highs but not pantyhose, so I only had this available). About eating my own cum: I was always curious about it in general, but for me personally it's more part of my cross dress fetish (which is why in my threads I am asking about Sissy and Bimbo hypnosis so I can get into the proper mindset to eat my own cum).

Combining these all together, and the shame I have for them, they result in my femdom fetish too.

But all in all, these fetishes are something I always had and are not porn-induced! Now that I abstain from pornography, I thought these urges might get weaker, but they actually get stronger. I constantly think about what I would dress if I were a woman, especially related to pantyhose and footwear.

If I had the means to cross dress, I would do it, but more out of horny escalation. Afterwards, post-nut-clarity would make me feel like shit again.

Is there a way to satisfy my cross dress fantasies without post-nut-clarity setting in? How can I do it, especially since I can't buy feminine clothes right now? Even shaving my body would be very suspicious.